Affliction and Ecstasy
by WITHERED
Summary: MM: Suna didn't know what to do with her life. She was broken, bruised, and numb. She was desperate for changing, starving for truth. OC X Kurt
1. Breathless

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 1: Breathless - - - - -

…I wasn't sure what to think. Everything was happening so fast – it was all so surreal to me. Standing there in front of a disheveled farm and a poorly built ranch house… I wasn't sure what to think and I stood there dumbfounded. I was never the type of person to come out and just cry, but it happened. My eyes became glazed over and the tears began to fall. I did nothing to stop them; I barely noticed the tears roll down my cheeks. My mouth didn't twitch and my nose didn't run…

* * *

_I was young, 16 years young to be exact. I was a city girl and I was a music junkie. To me, nothing else mattered but the melodic rhythms that consumed me... that devoured my very soul. I was in a band with the love of my life and three of my best friends… We named the band Breathless. I dropped out of school and got a low-paying job when I was 15 to pursue our band. It was all I wanted… all I ever dreamed of. Breathless was what kept me going on, what kept the blood in my veins pumping. I was an aspiring vocalist; I wanted to dominate the world. I wanted… to leave the world completely and utterly… breathless._

_Breathless was just starting to get big. We had more and more gigs as the months that passed us. Every show we played, the more adoring fans we conceived… and as you could have guessed, we left them utterly breathless. We came and dominated each and every soul. We left them screaming for more, more, more… Stomping their feet and crying out for us. But that pure ecstasy and bliss I had was soon to be shattered._

_My band mates and I were all walking back to our studio after an all-out-blast gig we just had. It was December 24th and we were all drunk and having the time of our lives. I was being carried on Ridge's back (my boyfriend and the bassist for our band) and we were followed by our two lunatic guitarists and drummer laughing at something hysterical. Ridge and I thought nothing of it – we were all drunk and couldn't think straight. All we had on our mind was pure bliss, pure happiness, pure freedom… We all crashed at our studio that night, we were worn out and it was Christmas Eve; everyone was on vacation after all._

_It was December 26th… Just two days later from the best gig our band ever had. The phone rang and Ridge picked it up answering with a soft "hello?"… I became worried as Ridge's face turned pale. I wasn't sure what happened on the phone, he replied with such short sentences. He slowly turned to me and looked me dead in the eye and told me it was the police. He had told me that the police said Jesse, Adam, and Justin nearly killed three teenagers on the street two nights ago. My mind raced… was that why they were laughing so coldly and hysterically? I knew the three of them were delinquents, druggies… I knew they picked fights but I also knew they were good at heart. It turned out those three teenagers were the sons of an important company somewhere in the city. I couldn't fathom Ridge's words, I felt sick and rushed to the bathroom to puke._

_That was it for the band. We were forced to disband, our record company didn't want anything to do with us – no matter how good we were. My purpose in my life was taken away from me so abruptly. The one thing I held so close to me, the one thing I cherished the most, the one thing I gave everything in my life up for… was ripped from my clutches and left me there to bleed and run dry._

_Jesse, Adam, and Justin left. I wasn't exactly sure where… no one told me anything. It was rumored they fled the country and were in different sections in Europe. They would never be able to lead a life in music again… neither was I or Ridge._

_After the disbandment, Ridge and I tried to remain strong. Strong to support us. But it didn't last… Nearly half a year after our band incident, Ridge left me. For reasons I still couldn't comprehend in my mind. I was beyond broken, beyond repair… Breathless and Ridge were the things in my life that I dearly and sincerely loved and in the end, I was left with nothing._

_I came upon an article in the newspaper… "the exciting ranch plan". I scoffed at the idea but decided to take up the offer._

And here I am…

- - - - - End: Breathless - - - - -

**Review loveys!**

**- Tara**


	2. Crawling

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 2: Crawling - - - - -

I finally realized I was crying, the tears were streaking down at a rapid rate and they began to itch my face. As I raised my hand to wipe away the tears, I couldn't help but stare at it. I stared at the creases that went this way and that in my palm, and I couldn't help but re-think my past over and over. I let out a deep sigh as I continued to stare at my palm and I was wrapped up in my thoughts again.

"Oh, Ridge…"

And with that I gently but abruptly wiped the tears from my face.

* * *

I just turned 18 last month, on the 12th of February. It was the 1st of March now and spring was soon to come. I found it hard to believe that it's been over a year since the incident happened to cause my life turn upside down.

I wasn't a complicated person, I was just misunderstood. I had a lot of friends but only had four best friends… Four people that I trusted with everything and those were my band maters. Or ex band mates now… I didn't trust anyone but them, I wasn't close to anyone but them… But that trust was severed and I was left alone in a mass of people that inhabited the world that I lovingly called 'hell'. I was someone who was easily annoyed and angered, I was overly sarcastic and wasn't afraid to pick a fight. But despite that, I was extremely emotional and sensitive. I cried easily and I had low-self esteem. People honestly thought I was on top of the world. People flocked to me – people thought I was the epitome of beauty. Everyone thought I was confident and filled with pride, while I was the exact opposite. In public, I wear a mask… A strong mask to hide the true me – the part of myself that I was somewhat ashamed of.

I was short, only 5'3. I was thin, perhaps 100lbs was too thin for someone my age and height. I was extremely self conscious and I had an eating disorder in my early teens – I feared getting fat. Back when I was 14 I used to be 125lbs but lost it all and dropped to where I am now. I rarely ate and worked out non-stop… running, push ups, crunches, anything and everything. Unhealthy, I know. But back then, I couldn't help myself. I just kept going and going…

I also couldn't stand how flat chested I was, how flat my butt was… I didn't understand at all how men always flocked to me. My hair was noticeably short (considered on a girl anyway) and I dyed vibrant red streaks in it. I have five piercings in my left ear and two in my right. I dressed fashionably and constantly, however, I never ever wore make-up. To me, make-up masked someone's true beauty. I didn't understand how someone could be so drawn to another who was so heavily drenched in it – it was utterly disgusting. I didn't even understand how to put lipstick on properly. My eyes were a deep, golden brown and the color resembled a cat's. One would call my features "exotic" for I was half Korean and half European (Italian and French to be exact).

* * *

I let out another deep sigh and took a step to reach for the door knob of my new 'home'. I looked to my feet and saw Mimi, my black cat follow closely behind me. She was just a kitten (only six weeks old), her fur was a raven black and her eyes glowed a gorgeous, emerald green. I found her along side her dead mother in an alleyway in the city and decided to keep her. Since then, she was the only one I really interacted with – not that it was bad, I loved Mimi dearly. I picked up my heavy bags and trudged inside, shutting the door behind me.

It was gloomy and dark, I looked around for a light switch and flicked it on. It was small – way too small for my liking. Everything was crammed into one room. There was a junk TV, a pathetic excuse for a kitchen, and a twin sized bed sat plopped in the corner. There was a coffee table and a box next to it as well as a bookshelf that lined the wall. Papers were scattered here and there and I spotted a calendar next to the TV. _What a dump._

I sighed and collapsed onto the floor and looked up at the ceiling. Mimi strode silently next to me and crawled into my lap. I looked down at her and stroked her lovingly. She mewed at the touch and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well Mimi…" I let a sullen chuckle pass my lips. "This is our new home. What do you think?" I smiled down at her and she looked up at me with her large green eyes and remained silent, seeming to try to understand what I was saying.

I repeatedly looked around the room expecting it to change, even a little. I guess I couldn't accept how small it was. I let out another sigh and stood up slowly, cradling Mimi in my arms. I decided to unpack a bit of my belongings and change the bed sheets… Who knew how long they went untouched and dusty.

After settling everything in, I climbed into bed despite how early it was. Mimi crawled next to my face and slept close for warmth. Absentmindedly, I stroked her until I dozed off to sleep. I was wiped and drained… I just wanted tomorrow to start already.

* * *

I awoke at 6am, it was something common for me to do even though I was a city girl. No matter how hard I tried to sleep in, my mind and body always jolted awake at 6-freaking-am. I sighed and began to stretch my body as I stepped out of bed. I looked over my shoulder and saw Mimi still sleeping and I felt myself smile – happy that I at least had Mimi with me. I went to my bag and pulled out some cat food and a bowl to put it in. I set it on the floor near the table along with a bowl filled with water. Sprucing up the house just a bit more, I soon stopped to step outside and have an intake of fresh, morning air.

It was much nicer this morning – yesterday had been dark and cloudy and over night it seemed to have rained. The grass was sparkling with morning dew and the air had the lingering scent of rain – my favorite smell. I couldn't help but smile, it felt good to be here in Flower Bud Village that morning… no matter how stressed and depressed I was. I looked up to the sky and noticed there weren't any clouds and it was shimmering a light blue. Birds were chirping and flying overhead and it was a pretty sight, despite how normal it was.

I stepped back inside to shower and get dressed as quick as I could – I was eager to get going in this new town.

It hit me then that I had no clothes suited for farming – every single garment I packed was well over a hundred dollars, even my shoes. I let out a sigh and slammed my head onto the table. _Oh well…_ _I don't want to ruin anything so I'll have to see where I can find some clothes that ARE suited for this type of life style._ I thought to myself bitterly.

Everything I packed was just clothes, clothes, clothes. I didn't care about anything else. I went through my bags hastily trying to find something that cost the least. I pulled on a pair of black bondage pants laced with chains and a tight hoodie that read 'SAFE SEX' across my breasts with a bloodied skull on the back. I looked at myself in the mirror and adjusted a few strands of my hair before stepping out. I looked over at Mimi and gave her a kiss on her head as she mewed curiously where I was going. I told her I'd be back later and to be good. I laughed to myself and stepped outside, back into the welcoming air of Flower Bud.

* * *

There wasn't much to look at, it was just a house sitting on a patch of dirt and grass located on a small property in town. I looked around and noticed that there were quite a few houses that resembled mine around me. _Guess I failed to notice everything yesterday as the mayor took me here…_ I vividly recalled my meeting with Mayor Thomas and learned how the shipping bin worked – the one way I was sure to earn any money.

I slowly walked along the path looking at all the buildings and what a wreck the town was. Well, not necessarily a 'wreck' but there were stones, stumps, branches, weeds, and dead fences that seemed to inhabit the whole town. I wrinkled my nose in disgust – couldn't they at least repair these types of things?

I looked for people who I expected to be awake at 6am but there was no one, of course. I then began hearing a faint sound of an axe chopping wood in the distance and walked in the direction of the sound – eagerly hoping to meet someone new.

I found myself standing in front of a building with a sign that read 'Carpenters'. I looked to my right and found a handsome boy chopping wood. He looked about 5'9 in height, he was slender and his body seemed to be nicely toned with muscle. His chocolate, brown hair was spiked and he wore a bandana matching his camo pants. I stood there silently and gawked at his back hoping his front was just as attractive.

His muscles flexed every time he went to rise the axe in his two hands, and I felt my cheeks growing hotter with each passing second. _Oh Christ…_

He seemed to have noticed my staring for he stopped chopping rather abruptly. He turned around slowly and looked taken aback by my presence. I guess it wasn't everyday you saw a girl like me in Flower Bud Village…

I looked at him hesitantly, I was at a complete loss for words. His face was stunningly attractive, he had sharp, piercing brown eyes and slender eyebrows, something not so common for a guy. He had long eyelashes and his lips were a sweet shade of pink. I gave him a tiny smile and took a few more steps forward to him. _He's freaking beautiful…_

"Hello," I gave him a stronger smile and continued. "My name is Suna… I'm the new rancher who took over the 'exciting' ranch plan."

I gave him a nervous chuckle and wondered what he would say. He looked like the type who was aloof and not at all talkative.

He gave me a soft grunt. "What's up?"

Before he was able to continue, the door to the building that was standing in front of us opened and out came an elderly man and another guy who looked to be my age.

"Oh! Who is this? Are you the new rancher?" The elder man asked enthusiastically.

I nodded my head slowly, I didn't expect him or the other guy to come out of the doors so abruptly.

"Yes, I am," I smiled. "My name is Suna."

He smiled sincerely at me and let out a hearty laugh. "It's a pleasure to meet you Suna. My name is Woody and I'm the head carpenter in this town. These are my two apprentices, Joe and Kurt." He motioned with his arm to the both of them.

"Yo, I'm Joe." The other guy started with a big smile. "And this is my little brother Kurt."

I looked over at Kurt and his face had a slight pink tint to it, I couldn't help but blush myself – he looked adorable, much more so with the blush. I looked back to Joe and noticed he was quite shorter than Kurt. He looked about 5'5 or 5'6 and he was slim, but seemed to be much more toned with muscle than Kurt was. His face was opposite of his brother's – his eyes were rounder and his eyebrows were thicker. His eyelashes were shorter and his face was a tad bit rounder. Nonetheless, he was still quite attractive. Even his personality seemed to be the opposite of Kurt's – he seemed to be much more friendly, talkative, and outgoing.

I smiled at the three of them and started some small talk. They told me about the town and what their carpenters shop had to offer.

After a bit, I bid them farewell and said I'd stop by again soon. I couldn't help but wonder what they thought about me, they seemed nice but I couldn't help but have a doubt they were faking their kindness. I was hoping that it was just me and my trust issues, because I seemed to grow way too fond of the three of them in that short span of time.

* * *

It took the whole day, but I somehow managed to meet every single person living in Flower Bud. From first impressions, everyone was unbelievably kind and looked eager to help. But of course, Kurt was the only one that really stood out to me.

I dragged myself home, undressed, and plopped down in bed face down. Mimi mewed and rested herself on my back. I let out another sigh as I cursed myself for rethinking my past. _God damn. Just let it go already, it's in the past. No matter how much you bitch and whine it's not going to come back to you. Get over it._ I opened my eyes and flipped my body to face the ceiling; Mimi now laying on my stomach. I closed my eyes and dozed off to sleep with a dull ache in my chest.

- - - - - End: Crawling - - - - -

**I love Kurt. :D My favorite HM character ever.**

**Review loveys.**

**- Tara**


	3. Starless Night

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 3: Starless Night - - - - -

It was a new day and a new start. I wanted so desperately to rid myself of the skeletons in my closet. I wanted so desperately to change, I wanted to live again. I just… I wanted to live.

But why was it so hard?

* * *

It was now the 16th of March. A few more residents moved into town, mainly just the mayor's daughter Maria. She was quite pretty to me. Out of all of the residents so far in Flower Bud, she seemed to be the most natural and the only one who really let her inner beauty shine. I took a liking to her, even though her manner of speech was a bit boring.

I moved around the house looking for something to wear and readied some food for Mimi. Mimi took a vast liking to the village, I often took her out every morning so she'd be able to get used to her new home. There was also a stray white cat that normally lingered around the town square, and Mimi seemed to take an even greater liking to having a play mate.

It's already been two weeks since I've arrived in Flower Bud, and each and every single day I made sure to visit Kurt – even if for a few brief minutes. I was right, I knew it when I first met him that he wasn't the most social and friendliest person around, but I loved that all the same. I even noticed that he seemed to be taking a liking to me – he was rather 'nice' to me compared to the way he treated everyone else.

Everything I did in the morning became very routine for me – not that I was complaining. Wake up, shower, get dressed, feed Mimi, check the weather, and finally step outside. And the weather man had said that today would be fairly cloudy and he was right – I grabbed my fishing rod and headed for the lake.

* * *

I plopped down next to the river's edge and looked out at the lake dully. I let a small sigh escape my lips and cast out my fishing line. The seconds past and they soon turned into minutes. I started to get rather frustrated – I wasn't exactly the most patient person. And suddenly, I felt a nudge on the line and quickly reeled in excitedly.

I chuckled to myself as I pulled the fish out of the water, it was quite small – barely 6cm. I smiled to myself and let the fish back into the water, watching it swim away hastily until it disappeared in the water's depths.

I then heard footsteps approaching me and I saw a face I wasn't familiar with. He had long, light brown hair, which was pulled back messily into a ponytail. His eyes were a deep, ocean blue and he was carrying a fishing rod.

He came over to me and smiled. "Hey, what's up?"

I looked at him a little dumbfounded and managed back a soft 'hello' and watched him sit next to me.

He still had that same smiled plastered on his face. "My name's Ray. I'm a pro fisherman and recently just arrived in Flower Bud. And you are?"

"S-Suna… I came here about two weeks ago and took over a ranch…"

I couldn't help but stutter, I guess I was caught off guard. He seemed a bit different than the rest of the people, he was the only one who really came up to me asking who I was. He was very bold, and I kind of liked that – it was rather refreshing.

"Pretty name."

That was all he had to say before he broadened his smile.

"Well, Suna, I'll see you around then? I want to get accustomed to the village. I'll stop by your ranch sometime."

I watched him get up and leave the lake, walking away humming a tune that I wasn't familiar with. I stopped watching him when he was out of my sight and I mused idly before I cast in my line again.

* * *

I quickly headed back into town with a bucket filled to the top with a bunch of ship – my scrawny arms could barely hold it up. I loaded them off in my shipping bin hastily, wanting to see Kurt as soon as possible.

I then began walking quickly to the Carpenter's shop, smiling widely with excitement. I opened the doors and was greeted by Woody. He was smiling and greeted me and vice versa. I looked around and saw Joe working on some sort of chair looking thing. I chuckled to myself and walked over to him.

"What is it?" I pointed to the thing he was hammering a nail into.

He looked at me and proudly said: "A new chair!"

"Uh-huh… Oh really? It looks a bit deranged to me. Are you sure it's going to be safe to sit on?" I laughed at him and he just gave me a what-are-you-stupid look.

"Everything I build is safe. It'll be fine," he said looking at me, grinning.

We made some more small talk until I asked him why wasn't Kurt here.

"Kurt? Oh, he's probably in the mines. He's taking a break, I'm not sure what's up with him. He seems out of it today," Joe said in a-matter-of-fact tone. "Well, more out of it than usual anyway."

I pondered for a bit, lingering by Joe's side before decided I'd go and look for him. I quickly bid my farewells to Joe and Woody and left the shop.

* * *

Sure enough, there was Kurt… He was just standing there in the center of the mine, staring down at the ground. I frowned slightly, noticing there _was_ something wrong with him.

I let out a silent sigh and quickly ran up to him, glomping him from the back. He yelled out a surprised yell and I started giggling.

"S-S-Suna!! Wh-what was that about?!" Kurt managed to blurt out.

He pulled himself off of the ground and turned to face me. His face was in utter shock and I just laughed at him, enjoying his facial expression. He had a bit of dirt on his cheek and I reached up to wipe it off of him, noticing his cheeks flush a light pink.

"You were standing there so dazed that you didn't even notice me come in. So… I decided to surprise you," I smiled up at him sweetly. "And Joe told me how you seemed down today… I was wondering if you'd like to talk?"

He let out a sigh and mumbled that there was nothing wrong with him, that he just had a lot on his mind. He averted his eyes from mine and began to stare at the corner. I frowned at him and told him I'd always be there if he wanted to talk. He didn't say anything but just nodded his head and told me a simple 'yeah'.

I let out a heavy sigh.

"Hey… Kurt?" I asked, still looking at him with pleading eyes.

"…Mm?"

"Let's spend the day together," I smiled at him with large expecting eyes. "Please? With sugar on top?"

His body seemed to stiffen slightly and he shyly looked back at me, staring me dead in the eye. His face only seemed to grow a darker pink and quickly dropped his eyes again.

"Okay… but… why?" He asked quietly, still averting his gaze.

I frowned slightly at him and sighed. I looked down at the ground and began kicking my foot into the dirt.

"Because I'd like to spend some time with you. I want to get to know you better, is that okay?"

I looked back at him again to see him watching me with rather, wide, surprised eyes. He looked rather taken aback but it was a charming sight – despite his shock, he looked rather… happy.

"Um… Yeah, sure," he said, smiling shyly.

He was still blushing and it only made my heart swell that much more. I giggled girlishly and quickly grasped his hand, leading him out of the mine into the fresh sunshine of spring.

* * *

The sky brightened up noticeably and there were barely any clouds in the sky. The sun shone brightly and I was tugging Kurt along, still holding his hand firmly, down to the beach.

I was glad that he agreed to spend the day with me – no, I was more than glad, I was _ecstatic_. I felt like a school girl again, I haven't been this giddy in such a long time… it felt so good. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and saw he was intently staring out at the ocean.

I turned to face him, letting go of his hand… I immediately missed his warmth.

"Pretty, isn't it?" I said while looking at him, hoping he would make eye contact with me.

He continued staring and his beautiful, brown eyes finally locked onto mine and mumbled a soft 'yeah'. I smiled at him and nodded happily, feeling my cheeks burning again.

"I think so too. The ocean is gorgeous, so vast… so mysterious. I could lose myself looking at it. It mesmerizes me and it slowly devours me. With each crash of a wave, I could feel it consume me inch by inch… It wraps me with a sense of security… Staring out at it I feel like I have no worries or regrets in my life," I paused to look up at him, only to see him watching me intently.

I felt my cheeks grow hotter and continued – feeling somewhat embarrassed and extremely self conscious.

"When I look at it… I feel like I could do anything I want," I let out a sullen sigh. "But when I crash back to reality, I know that it's nothing but a dream."

_Just a dream…_ Nothing could ever help me get back what I crave so badly.

I gave out a hesitant laugh and looked back at him. "Sorry for rambling…"

He was still watching me intently, very seriously and shook his head in disagreement. "Don't apologize. I feel the same way," he said as he turned his gaze to the ocean.

I felt my eyes begin to glaze over, tears were threatening to escape. I didn't want Kurt to notice, so I quickly looked up at the sky, attempting for the tears to cease. I let out a deep sigh as I looked back at the ocean. The tears stopped but I cursed myself bitterly – I so desperately didn't want to show Kurt my weak side. Not now… not like this.

Kurt didn't seem to notice, but if he did… he didn't mention it. He continued to stare out at the ocean, with a rather pained look.

* * *

After the beach, I decided for us to go back to my ranch. He told me he's never really seen how I've been progressing, so I thought I'd give him a grand tour.

He looked around, seeming to approve and commented on how well I was doing in such a short amount of time.

I chuckled rather nervously. "Oh please. It's only been two weeks and the only things I have planted are turnips and potatoes… It's not much to be praised on."

"Yeah, but… It's a good start. Your crops look healthy and you've cleared everything of stumps and rocks and other debris," Kurt said, smiling over at me.

It caught me off guard a bit actually, I wasn't really expecting Kurt to praise me and encourage me like this. The corners of my mouth twitched upwards into a large smile.

"Thank you," I let out slowly.

I arched my back, stretching. I began to look around my farm, really taking everything in. I couldn't deny what Kurt had said, he was right: it did look a lot better than it did when I first got here.

I looked back over at him. "Hey… Kurt?" I said softly.

His eyes quickly rested on me and smiled faintly. "Mm?"

I hesitated slightly, watching him with large eyes. My heart was pounding and I could feel butterflies flittering around in my stomach. I could feel my cheeks burning and I could only imagine that I was as red as a tomato.

I took a few steps closer to him and leaned towards his face, brushing my lips against his cheek.

"Thank you for spending time with me today," I whispered, smiling at him.

His body stiffened and he stood there, his face turned a vibrant pink and I giggled softly. His facial expression didn't change much, but his eyes widened a great amount with shock and embarrassment.

* * *

Kurt and I were both on the beach again, it was much darker out and the stars were shining down on us brilliantly from up in the sky. We were lying on our backs, making comments about shapes we saw in the stars.

It was breath taking… Utterly beautiful. I never saw such a beautiful starry night – but then again, I never really saw a starry sky before. The stars never came out back in the city since the city never seemed to sleep.

Lying down on the sand watching the sky like this, I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of the stars. I envied how gorgeous the sky was… how gorgeous the stars were. I wanted to be just as beautiful – they were so natural and yet so utterly gorgeous… so gorgeous. I wanted nothing more than to be called beautiful, not 'pretty' or 'hot'… but beautiful. I wanted to take someone's breath away – just like the stars managed to do to me.

The silence between Kurt and I was comfortable, I didn't mind not talking and I knew Kurt didn't either. I could tell that Kurt was just as wrapped up in his own thoughts as I was.

We both continued lying there, and I enjoyed Kurt's company thoroughly. I continued peering up at the stars, listening to the soft crashing of the waves… I enjoyed the rhythmatic, light intakes of breath Kurt took in.

I couldn't help it, but I began humming the melody of one of my favorite songs. I began singing softly, closing my eyes, enjoying how good it felt to sing again.

_I reached into the sky_

_My love wouldn't reach you_

_The multi-colored balloons_

_Disappeared into the sky, growing smaller and smaller_

_I'm alone_

_I had no destination_

_But you gently held my hand_

_Starless night, I won't look back on the shadow of my past_

_I want to feel your warmth_

_Tears are falling down; even when I'm lost_

_I won't let go of your hand_

_Sometimes we fall apart_

_We become cowards_

_But surely we find something there_

_Take my hand_

_It's because the two of us are fragile and imperfect_

_That we'll stay holding hands forever_

_Starless night, Though complaints may cross my lips_

_I want to believe in your warmth_

_Endless love, I can love even my faults_

_Because you are my shining star_

_Starless night, I won't look back on the shadow of my past_

_I want to feel your warmth_

_Tears falling down; even when I'm lost_

_I won't let go of your hand_

_Starless night, Though complaints may cross my lips_

_I want to believe in your warmth_

_Endless love, I can love even my faults_

_Because you are my shining star_

_You are my shining star_

I let out a small sigh and smiled rather embarrassedly as I finished. I opened my eyes, too afraid to see Kurt's reaction – so I continued gazing at the sky as if nothing happened.

"Suna…" Kurt said, breaking the silence.

His voice was low and seemed to be washed in disbelief. I chuckled nervously and I shifted my gaze to look over at him. I flipped my body over to its side, so I could see him clearly. My cheeks were burning a bright pink, but I was grateful that it was dark out so he couldn't see.

He stared at me intently, his eyes were dead locked onto mine.

"…Suna," he said again. "You're amazing… Your singing, your voice… It was breathtaking."

He fell silent, still watching me intently. I felt myself grow hotter and finally whispered a meek 'thank you'.

And all of a sudden, it seemed as if time suddenly slowed. I didn't know what came over me, but I inched myself closer and closer to him. I brought my body up to hover directly over his and I drew my face closer to his until I could feel his sweet breath fanning my face. His eyes were serious… filled with wonder and wanting. His breathing was caressing my skin and it made me hot. _His breath smells so good…_

I pressed my body down onto his, enjoying the physical contact. The warmth of his body was refreshing and I lavished it – I felt myself drowning in sheer ecstasy. His strong arms wrapped themselves around me gently, but tightly. I moaned lightly as I pressed my lips softly to his… yet hungrily.

_What are you doing? What are you thinking? What the hell is _wrong_ with you?_

I didn't care – I pushed the voice far, far into the back of my head. I just… I knew that this was what I wanted and I knew I wanted it more than anything. My body was acting on its own and I couldn't bring myself to stop.

I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of this newfound bliss and happiness. I caressed his cheek lovingly with my right hand, realizing it was much more soft than I thought it would be. I slowly began opening my mouth, licking his lips slowly… begging for entrance. Much to my delight, he opened up his mouth without hesitation – waiting. I let my tongue slide past his lips, inside his wet mouth and our tongues began dancing.

I felt my body grow hotter and hotter with each passing second and I couldn't bring myself to stop. I was hungry for him… there was no mistake. I wanted Kurt so badly that the swell in my chest was threatening to burst.

Soft, light moans would escape our lips and his hands were roaming my back and tangling themselves in my hair. I've never once felt so good from a single make-out session… and I knew right then and there that I had to have him… to keep him, to love him.

- - - - - End: Starless Night - - - - -

****

Song Credits

**Title: Starless Night**

**Singer: OLIVIA**

**Review loveys!**

**- Tara**


	4. A Little Pain

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 4: A Little Pain - - - - -

Our breathing was entwined as were our movements. I was still resting comfortably on top of him, reaching every crevice in his mouth with my tongue as I could possibly reach. I was hungry and I wanted him so badly… so desperately. I moaned again, as I felt his hands beginning to wander. They moved ever so slowly and carefully on my back, stroking it tenderly. I arched my back slightly, enjoying his touch. His hands continued moving, stroking my hair and neck… hesitantly my butt.

"Mmm…"

I dug my hands beneath his shirt to feel his firm, hard chest… the feeling was glorious to the touch – he was so smooth. I began rubbing his nipple and enjoyed the feeling of his body tense beneath me. His body felt so amazing to the naked touch… I ran my fingers across his neck and back again to his cheek.

Our moans became louder with each passing minute and it was getting hard to control. Our breathing became heavy and clouded with passion and lust that my mind started to become foggy.

I wasn't sure how long we were going at it, but I wanted time to stop. I wanted it so desperately to stop… I wanted to lie here in Kurt's arms for as long as I possibly could.

Despite how hot I was and despite how hard Kurt seemed to be – we both knew that we weren't going to take this any further. I didn't want to have sex with anyone that I wasn't in love with – I wasn't a cheap fuck. If anything, you could have called me old fashioned.

* * *

My mind was hazy and I fluttered my eyes open slowly – wincing from the bright sunlight streaming through the glass windows. I looked around dully and noticed that I was lying in my bed, in my home… I bolted upright quickly, frightening Mimi, causing her to jump and leap off of the bed.

_What the…? How did I get here?_

It took a while for my memory to come back to me and I gasped as soon as I remembered what happened.

"Kurt?!" I shouted rather frantically.

I then laughed hesitantly, wondering idly what was wrong with me.

_Of course he isn't here. But I wonder… how I got here?_

I clutched my shirt, immediately looking down at myself, not recognizing the fabric. I was clutching a soft, brown fabric material that seemed to be a jacket. I blushed and recognized it was Kurt's light jacket he was wearing last night. I smiled and pulled his jacket up closer to my face, to intake the smell. It smelled just like Kurt and I realized now that I was grinning like a fool. It smelled so good… and it smelled just like him. A very masculine scent, but it also smelled a little woodsy – terribly appealing and perfect. It suited him so well… it'd be wrong if he smelled any other way.

I quickly showered, got dressed, gave Mimi her food and brushing, and rushed out the door. My heart was thumping; it was beating so fast – as if threatening to rush out of my chest. My mind was racing and I knew that all I wanted was to see him – to see Kurt again.

However, on my way to the shop I collided straight into Blue. I let out a loud 'oof' as my forehead smashed into his chin. I fell back and plopped onto the ground, wincing in pain. I held my forehead and began cursing under my breath.

I looked up quickly squinting my eyes and saw Blue holding his chin, with a rather aghast look on his face.

"I'm so sorry! I was in a hurry… and umm… wasn't looking where I was going… S-sorry," I managed to sputter out, quickly looking down at the ground.

He just looked at me with a tiring and bored expression. He extended out his hand and I grabbed up to reach it, blushing in embarrassment.

"It's fine," he said before turning away to tend to his cows.

I looked after him feeling a bit bad. I had the feeling that Blue wasn't at all fond of me and my crashing into him so abruptly probably caused him to dislike me even more. I heaved out a sigh and continued on walking to the Carpenter's shop at a slower pace, trying not to think about it.

Before I realized it, there I was, standing directly in front of the doors to the shop.

_Kurt's on the other side of these doors… What do I do? What do I say? After all… Last night I just forced myself onto him. What the hell was I thinking?_

I breathed in deeply and pushed the door open, stepping inside cautiously… nervously.

I looked around hesitantly and noticed that Woody and Joe both weren't in the room. I looked over to Kurt and walked over awkwardly.

Kurt stopped whatever work he was doing as soon as I stepped in the room, and his eyes remained on me still as soon as I reached his side – he was smiling crookedly, and I _loved_ it.

"Where're Woody and Joe?" I asked him curiously.

He gave me a small shrug and said: "Woody took Joe to gather some lumber. They should be back in an hour or two."

I nodded my head slightly. "Ah… I see."

I couldn't deny that fact that I felt awkward – I didn't know what to do or what to say… how to bring it up.

Silence.

"S-say, Kurt… Last night…" My voice trailed off and I realized I was mumbling, I wondered shortly if he could fathom what I was saying.

My face was growing hotter and I cursed myself for being such a chicken. It was hard for me to look him in the eye, but when I did, I noticed his face was a sweet shade of pink. The sight made me smile embarrassingly, giggling softly.

"I'm um… s-sorry about last night… I must have caught you off guard… I mean… I just forced myse-" But before I could finish my sentence, Kurt was standing in front of me, his soft lips pressed against mine.

He broke the kiss rather quickly and abruptly; I was a bit sad. I wanted it to last longer.

"Don't apologize, Suna. If I didn't want it, I would have pushed you off of me," he paused and chuckled lightly. "I wouldn't have even agreed to spend the day with you if I didn't like you."

He flashed me a small smile, and it was sweet enough to make me melt. He lifted his hands to rest on my shoulders, his grip tightening. It felt so right – so comfortable.

I giggled faintly again, giving him a large smile. I removed his hands from my shoulders, holding them in my own, kissing his knuckles. I breathed in deeply, enjoying the scent his skin was emitting. I sighed contently, enjoying the moment we had together.

I looked up at him, seeing myself reflected in his eyes. He removed his hands from my grip to hold my face in his hands, leaning closer to my face to kiss me – I closed my eyes slowly, enjoying the feeling of our lips pressed together.

But then all of a sudden, the doors busted open. I jumped up, my heart race was beating fast. I noticed Kurt did the exact same, his eyes were wide and filled with shock. He quickly released his grip on me and took rapid steps away from me.

The person who suddenly barged into the room rather loudly was Gwen – Woody's granddaughter. Personally, I thought that Gwen was gorgeous; I couldn't help but envy the shade and shape of her crimson, red eyes. I felt inferior to her beauty; whenever she was around, I felt so much more self conscious than I already originally was.

"Hey, you two! Where's my grandpa?" Gwen asked hurriedly, her red eyes searching the room.

She didn't seem to notice what was going on between Kurt and me before she abruptly crashed through the doors.

Kurt spoke up and told her that Woody and Joe were both up in the mountains gathering lumber and should be back in an hour or two. With that, Gwen rushed out of the shop as fast as she entered. I stared a bit dumbfounded and chuckled.

"Gwen's cute, isn't she?" I asked Kurt.

He looked at me and sighed. "If you want to call her cute by barging in here like a lunatic everyday, then yeah… she's freaking adorable."

I laughed at him and my eyes softened. I wrapped my fingers around his arm, begging him to come closer. He did so and I pressed my body against him, my head resting against his chest. I listened to his heart beat – it was beating slowly and calmly and the sound soothed me.

Kurt lifted my chin up and leaned in as I waited patiently for his lips to touch mine. I began licking them – his lips had no hint of chapping and they were so soft and smooth, I envied them in a way.

And then out of nowhere, my mind began racing. I suddenly became hesitant and scared – reality hit me. I was already getting involved with a boy… barely two weeks after moving here. I didn't fall for guys that easily at all. So… What the hell? Why was I craving him so bad? Why did I yearn for his touch? …His love? I barely knew him at all… and he barely knew me – no, he didn't know me at all. So then… _why?_

I broke the kiss and looked up at him, my body began trembling.

"Suna… what's wrong? You're trembling…" His voice was quiet and filled with sudden concern – it enveloped my body in security and I felt oddly safe.

I felt hot tears begin to stream down my cheeks. "I-I'm not sure…"

Blatant lie.

My trembling didn't cease but only grew worse. I felt Kurt wrap his arms around me tightly, stroking my hair gently.

I couldn't take it…

Vibrant memories of my past were flooding my brain. They were all of Ridge… _Why Ridge? Why did it have to be _him_? Why did I fall in love… with such a bastard like him? Why does he continue to haunt my thoughts even though it's been so long since then?_

I couldn't take it. I broke myself away from Kurt's grip and ran blindly back to my house. I heard Kurt yelling after me but I couldn't comprehend what he was saying.

I felt numb.

* * *

I was running blindly and it took me a few seconds to realize that I was standing in front of my dainty, little farm house. I sighed heavily, cursing myself over and over.

_What the fuck Suna?_

I never even got to ask him how I turned up at my house last night – even though the answer was stupidly obvious. I just… I really wanted to hear him utter those words to me: 'you fell asleep and I carried you home'. That was all…

I let out another depressing sigh and reached for the doorknob, jerking it open quickly. I stepped inside and rushed towards the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and they were bloodshot.

_I look hideous._

I began running the sink water, washing my face, clearing off all of the salty tears. I felt Mimi begin rubbing her head against my leg, mewing quietly. I picked her and began to cuddly her, enjoying how soft and warm her fur was against my cheek.

Still holding Mimi, I left the bathroom and crawled over to my bed, sitting slumped against the wall. I sighed as I petted her – she was purring contently and began licking my hand with her rough tongue. I realized I never even gave Kurt his jacket back – I was still wearing it and I quickly removed it.

I held it up in front of my face, admiring it. The tears were rolling down my cheeks again and I started to cry into his soft jacket. Pitiful sobs were echoing about the room.

"What the hell Suna…" I whispered to myself, between sobs.

_What the hell came over me? I was so giddy and then what… the thought of me getting involved with Kurt… It suddenly… it just hurt._

I was scared of getting involved with him in fear of Kurt doing the same things Ridge had done to me. It figures though – just because of one bad relationship I was automatically terrified of any future ones.

_Fucking Ridge…_

I let out a loud scream and banged my head against the wall.

* * *

I must have dozed off, by the time I opened my eyes I noticed the sun was already setting and the sky was a pale pink with shades or orange, yellow, and purple. It was a magnificent sight – and I wished Kurt was here to watch it with me.

I sighed, leaning off the wall, stretching my aching body. Mimi began mewing and she watched me with curious, large eyes.

I couldn't help but smile down at her; it was probably a pathetic excuse of a smile, but a smile no less.

There was an abrupt and loud knocking and rapping on the door. I was jerked to my senses and I jumped slightly.

I called out a 'who's there' rather quietly, waiting for a response.

Silence.

I sighed, getting out of my bed to look out the window. It was Kurt. Kurt… I suddenly got very nervous and my body began quivering.

_Hurry and open the door before he leaves!_

I reached for the doorknob and quickly jerked it open to face a rather frantic and panic stricken looking Kurt. My heat immediately sunk with guilt as I watched his pale face and wide, shocked and worry filled eyes.

"Suna…" he whispered quietly, seeming to be in a daze.

He quickly stepped forward, grabbed my arm, and thrusted my body right into the security of his tight embrace. He began stroking my hair gently and buried his face in my shoulder.

"I was so worried… I've been knocking on your door and waiting for hours… And you weren't picking up your phone… Suna, what happened?" Kurt said with a pained voice.

I felt myself sink and drown in his tight and secure embrace. My body began trembling harder and I began choking on my tears – suddenly so relieved that Kurt was here, holding me.

My mind began to race and it was flooded with images of Kurt… my Kurt. From the very moment I've met him, up until now. I felt my body go slightly limp, but I wrapped my arms around him and grasped him tightly – trying to pull him closer to my body even though we were pressed to each other as closely as possible.

But I… I wanted more. I dug my fingers into his back as I let out more loud, pitiful sobs, drowning out the entire room.

"Suna…"

* * *

With a start, I opened my eyes slowly and saw that once again… I was lying in my bed. I quickly rose up and shouted 'Kurt!' rather frantically without even bothering to look around first.

It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dark room and I slowly regained all of my senses. I heard soft inhaling and exhaling of breath, the warmth of it was tickling my hand. I looked down slowly, seeing Kurt sleeping silently.

He was positioned rather awkwardly – he was lying on the ground, hunching himself over on the bed. He was holding my left hand with his own two, his head resting near them. I giggled faintly, leaning down to brush my lips against his forehead.

I remembered vividly of Kurt holding me tightly in his arms… I remembered sobbing uncontrollably as he held me.

Maybe… I was just looking for an excuse to cry my heart out. I wasn't entirely sure, but the emotions were much too strong for me to hold in. I've never been the type of person to cry in front of others – not even Ridge. But with Kurt… why was it so god damn easy to burst into tears? I hated my weakness and I hated showing that side of me to anyone. I felt vulnerable, and quite frankly, it disgusted me.

_So then… why did the tears come out so easily when I was around Kurt?_

My sudden outburst from earlier this morning didn't really seem to faze Kurt in the least – or maybe it did… As I watched him sleeping, he didn't look peaceful at all – but extremely tense.

I raised my hand slightly and noticed my fingers were twitching terribly; I hated the sight of it. I moved them to stroke Kurt's hair, his face… his lips. His lips were soft – so sweet and plump… The type of lips that I thought was the most suiting for a guy but no one ever seemed to have. I leaned downward, kissing his forehead again gently, inhaling the sweet scent of his hair. It was beyond intoxicating – it tingled my body and I drowned in the sensation. It was so hard to describe – it smelled a bit like his jacket, but a much more concentrated form and much more raw. Unbelievably sweet…

I drew my hand back from him, and slumped by body back against the wall, pulling the covers up over me. I thought about the events that occurred today over and over in my head – I couldn't fathom what had happened really, truly happened.

From the beginning of the day up until now – everything seemed so _surreal_. I shuddered slightly and instantly guilty, knowing full well that I totally overreacted.

I let out another deep, heavy sigh.

* * *

I sat up against the wall for another hour until Kurt finally began stirring. I shifted my body slowly to face him, staring intently at him. Waiting, waiting…

"Suna…" He mumbled slowly.

I leaned away from the wall, removing all covers binding me, and kicked my legs off the bed. I couldn't help swaying my legs, I was nervous and I the lump in my throat wouldn't go away. I looked over at him hesitantly, seeing he was staring at me filled with concern.

"I'm so sorry Kurt… For crying so suddenly… I must have scared you," I whispered, fighting back the tears.

He shook his head slowly at me. "You apologize way too much Suna… There's no need for you to be sorry," he started. "I'm sure you have a reason for what happened. The moment I met you I thought you might have a skeleton or two in your closet."

I looked at him with wide eyes. Ridge… Ridge always used to tell me that I apologized way too much. I knew it too; it was a hard habit for me to break. I couldn't help but think and feel that when anything ever went wrong, it was always my fault – even a little.

"K-Kurt…" I started.

"Please Suna… I'm not asking you to tell me what's wrong with you. But in due time, I hope that you'll open up to me on your own. I don't want to push you, I don't want to nag you… but please know that I'm worried and I care about you…" His voice began trailing off; he looked as if he was debating whether or not to keep going.

I blushed and the tears began cutting loose slowly but rapidly, rolling down my cheeks again.

"Thank you Kurt," I said in between sobs.

I began crying into my hands, trying to hide my embarrassment. I was crying _again_ in front of him. But… I should be the one telling him that though – didn't Joe tell me that Kurt hasn't been himself? I'm just being selfish… as usual.

Kurt stood up slowly and walked over to the radio to turn it on, flipping through stations to find a song that was worth listening to. I immediately recognized one of my favorite songs, and told Kurt to switch back to the channel.

I smiled to myself, happy that the song had just started. I always thought that the lyrics and the music composition were beautiful – I had every word recognized. The song was so beautiful… so genuine and real, that it only made my tears run faster.

I could feel his eyes resting on me from where he stood and he walked back over, nudging me gently to have me lie down on the bed. I did as he wanted and he hovered above me, holding my face gently in his hand. He bent his head down and began kissing away my tears – my heart skipped a few beats as I relished in his scent and his warm touch. The kisses and the licks were sweet and they gave me goose bumps, I was enjoying it to its absolute fullest.

Kurt's scent enveloped my body that night, completely and fully. I knew it was something that I would always love…

_Travel to the moon_

_The dream where you first appeared fades out_

_The light of the star I longed for is taken away_

_The smile I had to forget in order to be strong, for sure_

_If we are together, we can take it back_

_Open your eyes,_

_I'm here waiting for you_

_There is a future different from now_

_I'm here waiting for you_

_And I continue screaming_

_The thread that binds our hearts together is pulling_

_To bring you by my side as before_

_No need to cry_

_Travel in silence_

_I extend my hand to feel you, yet_

_You're so far away_

_That memory is etched within me_

_When I hear your voice as I close my eyes_

_Even a little pain is precious to me_

_See me now,_

_I'm here waiting for you_

_When I'm all alone being blown by the wind_

_I'm here waiting for you_

_I can see the entire sky_

_Truly inside my heart, my hands stretch out to protect_

_Your heart, until you come back_

_No need to cry_

_(Feel something, Feel nothing)_

_(Listen closely, listen closely)_

_Wide open ears_

_Disarm the dream tickler_

_In the constant moment_

_(You will find me where it's quiet)_

_(Listen closely, listen closely)_

_Let the blood flow_

_Through all the spaces_

_Of the universe_

_Open your eyes,_

_I'm here waiting for you_

_There is a future different from now_

_I'm here waiting for you_

_And I continue screaming_

_The thread that binds our hearts together is pulling_

_To bring you by my side as before_

_No need to cry_

_(Listen closely, listen closely)_

_(Listen closely, listen closely)_

_(Listen closely, listen closely)_

- - - - - End: A Little Pain - - - - -

**Song Credits**

**Title: a little pain**

**Singer: OLIVIA**

**Review loveys!**

**- Tara**


	5. Infection

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 5: Infection - - - - -

It was late April, the 22nd. Spring in Flowerbud Village was gorgeous, I loved every minute of the sun gently beating down on me everyday. I loved the rain showers it had. The farm was slowly getting better with each passing day. Despite how I looked, I was hell-bent on making this farm amazing. Kurt had helped me order some more casual farming clothes and I was relieved. I didn't want to ruin my clothes any further than I already had. However, I didn't like how I looked in them so I only wore them while I worked on the farm.

I had managed to buy a plot of land next to the riverside, it was where I planted all of my crops. I still had no animals – I didn't have any room for them. My crops and foraging things in the mountain were my only source of income; I wasn't bad off though, my wallet became fatter with each passing day.

More people moved in. The town was now bustling with people each and everyday. I became quite fond of Lyla, the sweet girl who ran a shop near the library. I thought she was quite pretty, she had long wavy pink hair and she was just a tad bit taller than I was – 5'4. She was extremely nice and whenever I entered her shop, she always tried to make small talk with me. She came here in late March, and since then I visited her as often as I could. I wasn't sure why, but I felt so drawn to her. She was different than the other girls, and I so badly wanted to be a close friend. Kurt was the only one I was close to in the village, or what I considered 'close' anyway. I was friendly with everyone else, except for a few.

I guess you could say Kurt and I were going 'steady'. We spent a lot of time together, and everyday he smiled more and more at me. He became nicer… much more gentle. As for me, I barely ever hid myself behind a mask around him. I showed him my true colors more and more everyday, I showed him how childish and playful I was, how immature I could be. But I never told him anything about my past, I was scared of what he would think of me. I guess it's a childish thought, but it scared the living hell out of me. I was afraid of rejection, I was afraid of being left alone, I was afraid of loss.

* * *

It was noon and I just finished tending to my crops. I walked inside my house, showered, got dressed, and ate a quick meal. I noticed Mimi wasn't anywhere inside and figured she stepped outside as she usually did as of late.

I walked over to Lyla's slowly, I wanted to take in the scenery as I walked. I noticed that a lot of animals inhabited Flowerbud, I came extremely fond of a white rabbit that was often found in town. Mimi seemed to be fond of the white cat who was often near the town square, I wasn't sure if it was a boy or girl since all I did was glance at it whenever I saw it.

I reached her shop and let myself in. "LYLAAAAAAAAA!" I yelled running up to her and giving her a massive hug.

I heard her let out a small 'oof' and returned the hug. "Suna," she began to laugh. "How are you? I haven't seen you in 3 days!"

I sighed, "Yeah. I know. It's been hectic on the farm and people in town are always constantly asking me for favors. It's such a pain in the ass. I haven't had much of me time lately," I frowned. "I miss Kurt. I've barely seen him all week except here and there."

"Ah, young love," she giggled sweetly. "It must be nice, eh, Suna? You're so lucky to have someone like Kurt… Basil won't even look at me," she let out a sad sigh.

"What are you talking about," I frowned at her. "He comes in here everyday! And you're so pretty and sweet Lyla… I find it hard for a guy to not look at you. I'm so jealous," I laughed and smiled at her.

Lyla didn't respond immediately, she had a light blush on her face. "What are you talking about Suna…" her voice became quieter and quieter. "I'm not pretty at all… I'm so plain… And Basil only comes in here because if relates with his job…"

I sighed and shook my head. "Trust me woman. I know beauty and I happen to know just how beautiful you are." I said and smiled at her.

We talked some more and I ended up being in her shop for about an hour until the door opened; it was Louis.

I knew Louis had a massive crush on Lyla, it was obvious. Everyone but Lyla seemed to understand that he was in love with her. Louis was related to Michael and Ann of the tool shop who recently just came to live with them. I guess you could have said it was 'love at first sight' for Louis, the moment he laid eyes (and I happened to be there at the time) on her he was always coming to the shop and bringing Lyla gifts. _Love at first sight my ass…_ I didn't believe in such a thing. I found it impossible for someone to immediately fall in love with another just by looking at them. With Louis, I knew it was just puppy love… an _infatuation_.

I felt like I was intruding so I told Lyla I'd see her later and left. I personally wasn't fond of Louis, he was one of the few people in the village that I wasn't 'nice' to. I guess it started with him though. The moment we met in Lyla's shop I went to introduce myself but he gave me a deafening glare and called me a druggie. I was used to it though, I got it a lot. I shrugged it off and murmured 'suit yourself asshole'.

* * *

I had time to kill, I was ecstatic that I had nothing left to do for the day. As soon as I left Lyla's shop, I ran through the town to see if Kurt was still at the shop. I burst through the doors and noticed only Woody was there. I frowned and asked him where Kurt was.

"Kurt? Hmm… dunno. He has the rest of the day off, he's probably off at the mines," he said.

I thanked him and quickly left. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and it wasn't from the running. Upon entering the mine, my heart sank upon noticing that Kurt wasn't inside. I wondered shortly where he could be and spotted Joe not too far away, flirting with Katie.

Katie was cute to me, I was fond of her. She was energetic and peppy and was always willing to help; even though she constantly made mistakes. She was quite petit, she stood at 5'1. Finally someone shorter than I was. Ever since she moved here to help out Carl with his café, Joe and Katie were often seen together. I bounded up to the both of them and quickly asked Joe where Kurt was and gave Katie a sweet hello.

"Kurt? Did you check the mines?" he asked looking at me oddly.

I nodded.

Katie then spoke up, "I saw Kurt not too long ago! I saw him near the beach shore about a half hour ago," she looked at me with a large smile on her face.

I smiled at her and said, "Thanks Katie. Joe, you fail," and quickly left them.

As I ran further from them, I could hear laughing from Katie. She was making fun of Joe, probably because I left so suddenly and called him a failure. But Katie and Joe both knew me well enough that when I said those types of things, it was out of love and I was just kidding.

* * *

I arrived at the beach pretty out of breath. I looked around and saw no sight of him. I let out a disheartening sigh and walked along the shore hoping he would be on the other end.

As I walked, I stared at the sand beneath my feet. On the spur of the moment I decided to remove my shoes and socks to let my toes sink into the soft sand. I smiled and looked out at the ocean, remembering when Kurt and I first came here together. Our first 'date' and our first kiss… our first make-out. The smile was still etched upon my face and I didn't even realize the footsteps creeping slowly up behind me.

I felt strong arms tightly wrap around my waist and felt warm breath in my ear. I knew right away it was Kurt.

He whispered a soft "boo" into my ear and I couldn't help but blush and giggle quietly. I was extremely ticklish, even in the ears – and of course Kurt had to know my every weakness. He enjoyed tackling me and setting me into fits of tickling.

"K-Kurt! Stop that, it tickles!" I gasped out.

He refused to stop and continued speaking in my ear, "No way. You're way too cute, it's hard to resist."

I shifted my body so I was facing him and gave him a quick kiss and pushed him onto the sand. I laughed at his dumbfounded look and began to run.

Kurt began to chase me. And of course, Kurt was faster than I was. He legs were longer than mine and I cursed my shortness. He soon caught up with me and tackled me into the sand. We were both laughing and he settled his body on top of mine.

As he rested himself on top of me he let out slyly, "Got ya," and grinned.

I couldn't help but laugh at him and kissed quickly on the lips, teasing him.

He brought his face close and kissed me softly on the forehead, the nose, the cheeks… the lips. I moaned in ecstasy under his bodyweight and didn't want him to stop. I loved it when he kissed my neck, when he nibbled on my ears. He knew exactly how to please me… knew all of my sweet spots. He hovered above my body as he continued to lightly suck on my neck. His hand roamed under my shirt, beginning to caress my breasts. If anything, that was my favorite. I loved it when he payed attention to them, despite how small they were.

I knew then that Kurt was infectious. Even if I tried to rid myself of him, I knew I would completely and utterly fail. He was so different… so unique. He drugged me everyday just by standing within 5 ft of me. And I absolutely loved it.

We spent about an hour together lying there, feeling each other. The sky was starting to turn a rich but pale yellow color and we both walked along the beach shore hand-in-hand. I had Kurt take off his shoes and piled them with mine.

I stopped every now and then to pick up a seashell that I found quite pretty. I expected Kurt to call me weird and to stop, but he didn't. He just watched me smiling, with his hands in his pockets. _If I were with Ridge right now… He would have called me stupid for liking such 'frivolous' things._ I stopped what I was doing and stared at the ground. _What the hell Suna? What the hell? Why the fuck are you thinking of that bastard again? Let it go! He's in the past! He treated you like SHIT._ I let out a sigh and plastered a small smile onto my face before facing Kurt again.

"Look! Aren't these pretty?" I looked up at him with large puppy-dog like eyes.

His expression softened and smiled at me saying, "Very."

My fake smile vanished with that one word, and I was now beaming with happiness…

* * *

Kurt and I both ended up back at my house. I always told him over and over how embarrassed I was that my house was so small. He always laughed at me and told him he didn't care about the size, as long as I was there inside with him it was comfortable.

I was saving up money and lumber to get it expanded as soon as possible. I wanted to have a nice house, something I could actually look forward to going to day-after-day. I wanted an upstairs, a nice bedroom and kitchen… I wanted a bigger bed and nicer furniture.

I sighed as I plopped down onto my small bed. Kurt looked at me curiously.

"Suna, what's wrong?" he asked coming over to me.

I looked up at him, "Nothin'… Just thinking about the farm and my house is all… I want to get this place expanded ASAP and I want to buy that land near the beach… I want to use that land for animals." I sat up quickly and looked over at him, "Do you think that land is suitable for animals?"

He sat down next to me and nodded, "It's big and spacious. It's the perfect spot for them in the entire village. Plus, it's close to the shop so I can help take care of them while you get there."

"Really? Would you really? Aww thanks honey," and I leaned onto him, resting my head on his shoulder. "I have a lot of goals I want for the farm… I want to prove myself to everyone… I want to prove to everyone that I'm not some druggie punk who only cares about fashion and music… I want to show everyone that I have what it takes." I let out a deep sigh.

He looked down at me and gave me a small smile, "I know," he said.

* * *

It was the next morning and as I tended to my crops, I felt someone grab my butt. I didn't say anything but quickly turned around knowing full well it wasn't Kurt. And there I was, facing face-to-face with Dan, the town flirt.

I was used to it, as bad as that sounds. I was used to guys groping me, used to them hitting on me. I got it constantly back in the city and it pissed the hell out of me.

"So… Suna," he began slowly. "Why don't you go on a date with me later tonight? I can show you a good time in the village and in bed."

I felt my anger prickling, I was so sick of it. So sick of people hitting on me. Men and women both. I was tired of everyone thinking I was such a cheap fuck. That I was easy. There were times where I wished people saw me as 'prude' instead of a whore.

I sent a death glare at Dan, "Don't try that with me, Dan. You KNOW Kurt and I are together. Even if we weren't, I wouldn't spend 5 minutes with you," I replied coolly. But I knew he wouldn't go away, I knew he would continue to pester me.

"Suna, that hurts," he started. "I just want to show you a fun time. I doubt that boy-toy of yours could show you what I can," he said slyly.

"Just… fuck off Dan. Get out of my face. Don't talk that way about Kurt, you're not even a quarter of the man he is," I turned my back on him and continued tending to my crops.

I heard him let out a sigh. "He's that important to you? You know that I can get any woman I wanted. You know I have everything a woman could possibly desire. But I like how hard to get you are, games are fun. Don't you think, Suna?" he said smiling. He crouched down next to me and brushed his lips against my cheek. "See ya later love."

I didn't even bother watch him leave. I felt so unbelievably frustrated, I just wanted to scream. _Why? Why are all men like that? Why do they continuously treat women like a fucking object? A toy? Why couldn't they comprehend the words 'no' and 'stop'? Why couldn't that asshole get the point that I wanted nothing to do with him?! Just like Ridge... _I sighed and quickly got up to wash my face in the nearby river.

* * *

Kurt knew about how constantly Dan flirted with me. But he never showed any hints of jealousy, but I knew he wasn't comfortable with it. Whenever I brought up the topic of someone hitting on me, he would suddenly get quiet and upset. I knew Kurt would never act on something like jealousy. You could call it mean of me, but I liked how Kurt did get jealous over me. It made me feel loved, and I thought it was adorable of him. It showed me just a little bit more how much Kurt cared for me.

I knew that I wasn't the only one Dan hit on. He was quite flirty with all of the ladies but he went all out with me and Eve. Eve's new here, she just moved here about 2 weeks ago. _Yet another beautiful person came to Flowerbud Village…_ She was sweet and from the times I talked to her, she was interesting. She was always telling me stories and the like when I stopped by the bar in the evening. We both often talked about Dan, how annoying he was.

I groaned as I picked myself up from the riverside. I dragged myself back to my house to get changed, to look forward to the rest of the day. I looked at Mimi who welcomed me home and picked her up. I nuzzled her and kissed the top of her head before putting her back down.

"Mimi, do you think I'm in love with Kurt?" I asked her, half expecting an answer. I let out a sigh as I undressed. I tossed my shirt to the side and continued, "I don't even know what love is anymore… I thought I was in love with Ridge… No, I was in love… My first love. I truly believed he would be the one Mimi… But that's how everyone is, right? Everyone so foolishly believes that their first love will be their only love," I paused. "…So then why did he throw me away?" I fumbled around and started to tug down my pants. "I knew it was an abusive relationship but… I truly believed he wanted to change, to try… With Kurt… I don't even know. It just… it just seems _too_ perfect. He never yells at me, not even when we get into arguments. The only times he's ever raised his voice at me is when he's frustrated with me… trying to get it through to me that he truly cared about me." I paused again to fish around for something to wear. Kurt was a soft-spoken person after all… I shouldn't be surprised that he never raised his voice. "He's so patient and understanding…" I continued. "I don't get it at all. I don't get what my heart is telling me… I'm happy with Kurt… I truly am. But then why does my heart ache so much…" my voice trailed off as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was half naked, standing there with nothing but underwear and a bra on. I raised my hand to touch my reflection and thoughts of Ridge came flooding back to me. I felt my eyes well up with tears. I watched them stream down my cheeks and I did nothing to stop them.

_Dumbass. Your heart aches because you still love that bastard._

* * *

_Wishing tonight that tomorrow will never come  
Countless dreams and loves and losses, I cry and cry and cry as though beaten down by rain_

_Don't display me, not like this  
I need something to keep on living  
If I can't even believe in myself, what can I believe in?  
The answer is so close I can't even see it_

_Shedding black tears  
I am nothing. Filled with sorrow,  
Unable to say a word  
The pain is welling up inside me, and  
I can't bear this alone_

_I cried in the middle of the night, drew my face that isn't me,  
That hides my weaknesses. I'm going to stop smiling..._

_Don't display me. Is the hardest thing in the whole world  
To keep on living?  
If it comes from you, then it's all right that it's intangible  
I don't want things that can be broken anymore_

_Shedding black tears, crying out  
Tomorrow comes with a face that I don't know  
Struck with this same pain again  
If I have to continue like this, every day,  
Then I want to disappear forever, far away  
I know it's selfish, but..._

_Shedding black tears  
I am nothing. Filled with sorrow,  
Unable to say a word  
The pain is welling up inside me, and  
I can't bear this alone_

_Shedding black tears, crying out  
Tomorrow comes with a face that I don't know  
Struck with this same pain again  
If I have to continue like this, every day,  
Then I want to disappear forever, far away  
I know that it's selfish, but..._

- - - - - End: Infection - - - - -

**Lyrics to the song "Kuroi Namida" (Black Tears) by Tsuchiya Anna.**

**Suna's personality is starting to come out more and more… are you guys surprised or were you expecting it? Anyway, Suna is indeed NOT a druggie. She is quite clean, believe it or not. Even in her band days. She DID want to dominate the world and all… you can't do that when your lungs are falling apart and you're getting holes in your brain, know what I mean?**

**And no. Kurt and Suna haven't had sex yet. Just slight foreplay. No fingering or the like, just touchy feely. :D They're being as good as 'good' can get. Yep… they're good kids. Oh oh. And… Suna does indeed get hit on by both sexes. She gets confused as a guy as well. She is one sexy beast.**

**I really love writing this story. I hope it turns out good. -sigh-**

**Review loveys! -less than three-**

**PS. I have nothing against Dan. I actually like him quite a lot. But I DO dislike Louis and his relationship with Lyla in MM. At least in STH they never got together.**

**- Tara**


	6. Eyes for the Moon

**-sigh- I would like to take the time to thank my reviewers. I love you guys. D,: -less than three- Criticism is also appreciated. I want to make the story more appealing and tips and stuff are nice.**

**GustafasChild (on the forums): I'm so glad you love the story. Your reviews make me giddy and I'm glad that you're a Kurt fan now. The boy deserves more love in the world. Haha I remember when STH came out, I was an automatic Kurt fan... I payed attention to him more than the girls no matter what ending I was working on. Eventually my cousin told me I was turning my character into a fag for Kurt. Aaaaand! About Dan, I swear I love the guy! When I started playing MM he was the second guy I married (right after I married Kurt three times in a row... pathetic, I know)!**

**Danigurl (on the forums): Haha yep... Suna hates being short. She was always teased about her height and you guys know how self conscious she is, every little comment she gets about her image affects her.**

**Libra1: Haha, yeah, they got it on pretty early. But if you take a look at the teenage society today, people do get serious early on their relationship. I speak from experience.**

**Zo-zemonkeySan: Yep... Suna still loves Ridge. I know how she feels though. Love is hard to shake once you fall into it even if they treated you like shit.**

**kelley28: (;A;) That means a lot to me (a real lot), thanks so much. -less than three-**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 6: Eyes for the Moon - - - - -

It was late May, the 27th. I was now in Flowerbud Village for 2 months and 26 days; it seemed crazy. So much happened in such a short amount of time. I couldn't deny the fact that I was having fun and having a shitty time all around. I loved the people, disliked some people, but the root of the shitty-ness was myself. I was stopping myself from having a thrill, just because I couldn't let go of my past.

I couldn't wait for June to roll around, I was excited for the summer. Even though I loathed the summer heat and was much of a winter person, I loved the feelings summers gave me – especially summer nights. I looked forward to being able to see fireflies late at night and the sweet humming of the cicadas. But the upcoming summer also gave me an uneasy feeling, like something bad was going to happen. However, my gut instincts were always wrong, so I just shrugged it off.

* * *

Lyla and I became closer and I was thrilled that she told me she considered me as her closest friend in Flowerbud. Even though she told me these things, I couldn't help but have doubt in the back of my mind. _Does she really mean that?_ I felt rotten, I even felt this way with Kurt. I couldn't… fully trust his feelings for me either. As much as I wanted to believe, as much as Lyla and Kurt both assured me that it was true, I still had that doubt floating around. _What if they're just playing with me like Ridge did? How can I trust something as frivolous as words?_ I wished I wasn't so fucked up in the head.

I felt intimidated by Gwen, I couldn't really help it. She was so bold, so outgoing, so confident. It would have been a lie if I said I didn't envy her in the least. I did, I envied how strong of a person she was. She was always so sweet to me, always willing to help me out with the farm and she always gave me tips on how to raise my future animals.

Eve was another story, in the beginning, I felt just as intimidated around her. She was gorgeous, it always looked like she stood 5 feet taller than everyone else. She was someone who looked like she was so hard to grab a hold of. I envied her too, I envied how calm she could be. I envied her self control – especially with men. I was surprised when I heard her tell me she was single and that she wasn't interested in anyone in town, but it was quite obvious that the men flirted with her every change they got. Eve and I became closer, I enjoyed talking with her everyday. She talked about her past relationships and I talked about mine with Kurt.

I wanted so badly to confide in someone… to tell someone about my life, but I wasn't sure who. I always thought of Kurt, how much I yearned to tell him… I wanted to be so much closer to him, but that fear of rejection suffocated my thinking. I just… couldn't bring myself to tell him anything about me. In town, you could have still classified me as a 'stranger'. I told no one about my past. All they knew was that I came from the city and was a die-hard city girl trying to build a successful farm in the country. _Funny. I wonder if anyone expects me to fail. I knew that Jamie boy had 0 hope in me._

* * *

It was evening, around 5pm. It was cloudy all day – plain old gloomy. It depressed me a bit. I hated cloudy days the most. I was relaxing at the bar talking with Eve. Her uncle was constantly yelling at her telling her to get back to work. I couldn't help but laugh. As she stood up to leave, Dan strutted over taking her seat.

I let out an exasperated sigh and asked him dully, "What do you want Dan." I took a sip of the beer I was drinking – cloudy days always made me want to drink.

"I felt like I haven't seen you in so long love," he gave me an innocent smile.

"What are you talking about freak. You just harassed me this afternoon," I replied, still ignoring facing him.

"Can't you look at me in the eye when we talk? I'd like to see those beautiful cat eyes of yours," he said sweetly.

I sighed and shook my head, "Nope, too bad," and took another sip of my drink.

He let out a sigh and stood up, "Suna, do you dislike me that much?"

I wasn't sure if he was being serious, his tone of voice sounded tired. I couldn't help but look at him now. "Where did that come from," I replied. I barely stated anything in a question, I just wanted answers and I wanted straight answers.

"Ehhhh Thanks for showing me your face honey," he said, his voice returning back to normal. He quickly leaned over and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "See you later!" and he left the bar.

I went back to facing my drink and felt like an idiot for falling for something as stupid as that. _Idiot._ But I honestly thought he was being serious, I didn't dislike Dan or anything… I just hated how much he hit on me, I'm sure we could be friends if he wasn't such a horny bastard.

I picked up a napkin to wipe my cheek, it felt moist. I wondered shortly if Dan licked his lips before kissing me.

After a bit, Eve came back over to me. She commented how she saw Dan kissing me and started to poke fun. I laughed and teased her right back saying she was just jealous. But to my utter surprise, Eve flushed a little and immediately began to deny it.

* * *

It was morning, and as I stretched in my bed, I heard a knock at my door. I swore softly to myself wondering who the hell it was at 6am. I picked Mimi up and trudged slowly to the door. As I reached for the doorknob and opened it, I saw Ray standing there. I was a bit shocked, wondering what he could want with me at 6am.

"Erm… good morning!" I quickly said.

He laughed at me, "Still sleeping so late in the day?"

I looked at him dumbfounded. _So late in the day? _"Uhm… haha…" I let my voice trail off as I let out a hesitant laugh. "Anyway, uhh… what's up? Why're you here?"

The smile on his face just broadened and thrust a bucket at me, "Here! I caught a bunch of fish this morning – way more than I need. So I figured I would give what I don't need to you. Sell them… Cook them… doesn't matter."

I looked down in the bucket and saw a bunch of fish flopping around and gave him a small smile, "T-thanks… I just ran out of fish a few days ago for Mimi, this'll help a lot." I smiled at him.

He told me he was glad and then left.

I set the bucket down in my kitchen sink and Mimi began to restlessly paw at the fish. I washed and cleaned them and left one out for Mimi to eat. I kept half of the catch in my fridge and shipped the rest for some extra money.

* * *

I looked around my crops and smiled proudly. I decided that as soon as I washed up I would go and visit Lyla. I bustled around the house in search of something to wear. I picked out a pair of grey-blue lip service pants and pulled on my favorite studded belt. I put on a black and white checkered tank top that revealed my stomach and bounded out the door.

On my way over, I was humming silently to myself. I saw the white rabbit and slowly crept up to her and pet her from behind. I smiled to myself. _She's soooooo cute._

I reached Lyla's shop and let myself in. I looked around and noticed I was the only one around. I was thankful that Louis wasn't here and a bit upset Basil wasn't.

I ran up to Lyla and gave her a hug. I quickly asked her if Basil stopped by at all today with a large smile etched across my face.

She quickly averted her eyes and flushed a bright pink and remained silent.

I giggled at her shyness and poked her cheek. "So he DID come by?! HOW CUTE. What happened! Anything?" I quickly asked her.

She laughed hesitantly and nodded, "Why do you think something happened? N-nothing happened!" she sighed sullenly.

I frowned. "Lyla, why don't you make the first move? It's okay for girls to make the first move you know."

She looked at me, her eyes expanding a bit. "N-no way! There's no way I could do something like that…!" her voice trailed off again and she flushed even brighter. "Besides… even if I DID he would just reject me right away…"

I sighed and slapped my hand to my forehead. "Do you want me to ask him for you?" I asked her. "I can casually ask him if there's anyone he's interested in… I'm good at these types of things. Trust me, okay?" I smiled at her and kissed the top of her head.

In the beginning, Lyla wasn't accustomed to such flirty behavior from a girl. But in due time, she thought nothing of the constant hugs and kisses I gave her. That was just how I was, you could call it flirty but I was just playful. I knew I was straight and I didn't give a damn what other people thought of me.

She sighed and gave me a sad nod. I simply gave her a cheeky grin and told her I'll try to talk to him ASAP.

* * *

After departing from Lyla's shop I ran into Jamie. I cursed my luck and quickly turned to run in the opposite direction but I heard him call out my name.

"Where are you running to?" he asked me.

I sighed and answered him flatly, "…over THERE. You know, far away from you."

I wasn't fond of Jamie in the least. Ever since I came to Flowerbud Village as a farmer, he automatically made a rival out of me. He was cold, snobby, and rude. I wasn't the only way he treated coldly though, he seemed to be the same with everyone else in the village. But I seemed to be his prime target for his assy comments. I wasn't one to back down though, I was just as competitive as he was and I didn't let his comments get to me. I was just as sarcastic – probably more. I was an asshole towards him and it seemed to piss him off that he could never shake me. But even though I didn't show it, he pissed the hell out of me. I didn't get why he had to be such a dick and why he couldn't be at least a little friendly.

I wasn't in the mood for him so before he could give me one of his famous retorts, I ran off in the other direction.

* * *

Without thinking, I found I ran all the way to the beach. I enjoyed coming here everyday, it was my escape from the world. I lost myself in my thoughts and I enjoyed looking out at the vast ocean with a blank mind. The salty smell of the sea filled my body and I crouched down onto the sand.

I let out a peaceful sigh and wished Kurt was sitting here with me. I couldn't help but feel lonely.

Time was slipping by faster and faster and before I snapped back to my senses, I noticed the sky was a rich orange. I figured it was about 4ish. I felt lazy sitting there, it was pure escapism. I didn't want to move, I wished briefly that time would stop.

Today wasn't one of those days that I thought of my past or Ridge, I let my mind think about Kurt, and only Kurt. I wondered what he was doing… _probably still working._

I stood up and brushed the sand from my body. I walked off the beach and headed to see Kurt at the carpenter's shop.

* * *

I walked in and shut the door behind me. I looked around and noticed it was empty. I frowned and sighed. I then heard footsteps coming down from the stairs. I looked and I saw Woody.

"Woody!" I exclaimed. "I was wondering why it was empty in here."

He smiled at me, "Suna! It's good to see you. Are you looking for Kurt?" he asked.

I nodded sheepishly and he laughed. "He's upstairs in his room, you can go up to see him if you like," he said.

My eyes lit up and I quickly thanked him and I ran up the stairs. I reached for his doorknob and pulled it open.

I saw Kurt lying there on his bed sleeping. I smiled as I stepped closer to his sleeping frame. I slowly sat down next to him to get a good look at his face. It was peaceful and content, I wondered if he was dreaming.

I reached to touch his face, he felt so warm to the touch. I stroked his hair and gave him a light kiss on the lips. I let out a content sigh as I watched him sleep.

His bed was bigger than mine and I climbed on top of it to snuggle next to him. I removed my shoes and slid myself under the covers to hold him. He stirred slightly and I watched him open his eyes.

I couldn't help but giggle at his face, it had 'what?' written all over it. I snuggled to him closer and whispered a small 'good morning' as he came to his senses. He looked down at me and smiled.

"Suna… what are you doing in my bed?" he asked shyly.

I grinned up at him, "Woody told me you were in your room and when I came in I saw you sleeping… Your sleeping face is adorable." I paused to let out a soft chuckle. "I couldn't resist so I climbed in," I said. "Did you dream of me?"

"When don't I dream of you?" he asked me teasingly. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. He proceeded to kiss and suck on my neck gently.

I couldn't help but let out excited moans – after all, it felt so good. I clutched onto him tighter, wanting more. I had a hand clutching his back and one onto his head. His tongue began to wander from my neck to my chest. He was careful not to give me any hickeys and I was thankful for that. The last thing I needed was to have hickeys all over my neck and chest; my reputation in town would have just hit rock bottom. _I guess people would expect me to be covered in hickeys… Being from the city and all…_ I hated the thought of it, I hated how stereotypical the people in this town could be.

He began to slip off my tank top and he unhooked my bra. I could feel my body grow hotter, I was excited. He knew how much I enjoyed him paying attention to my breasts.

He fondled them gently and began to lick my right nipple. I shuddered slightly and felt my body grow goose-bumps. I felt both of my nipples slowly erect and I thought to myself how much I wished he would pay attention to my left breast.

As if reading my mind, he switched and began to slightly suck my left breast. He began to play with my right breast with his right hand. I felt myself shudder again and I let out more moans.

He began to suck harder and I knew what he was doing – he was leaving me a hickey above my nipple. I did nothing to stop him, people weren't going to look at them anyway.

He was hovering closer to me now, I could feel his shirt touch my skin. While our tongues danced, I began to tug at his shirt impatiently. He broke off our kiss and threw his shirt off to the side. I smiled and brought his bare chest to touch mine. We were both hot, I could feel the sweat on his back as I gripped onto him. I loved it.

I moaned into his ear, "stop being such a turn-on."

He said nothing but I understood him, he pressed his lips against mine and began to devour me inside and out. I wanted to scream to my heart's content.

I knew Kurt wouldn't go any further, he had as much self control I did – probably more. I continued to lie underneath him, loving the weight of his body on top of mine.

* * *

It was about 8pm by the time Kurt and I stepped out of the shop. We spent about 3 hours in bed together and an extra hour to laze around the shop conversing with Woody and Joe.

I grabbed his hand and tugged him into the direction of the beach. It was clear out and you could see the stars and moon shine brightly in the dark sky.

We sat next to each other on the sand, I continued to hold his hand and I rested my head on his shoulder. I listened to the serene sound of the waves clash against the sand, I listened to the sound of Kurt's soft breathing. I snuggled closer to him and shifted my body to sit between his legs. He held me tightly and I snuggled into his neck, kissing it lovingly.

He rested his eyes on mine and I could see the glare of the moon reflected in them. I let a small smile etch across my features and reached up to kiss his lips.

I wanted to love him, I wanted so badly to try with him. I wanted to love again – I wanted to live again… I wanted to be reborn, I wanted to be worthy of Kurt's love. I decided that then and there I would let go of my past and look forward to tomorrows… to look forward to Kurt. I want to open up to him, I want to tell him all about me…

_My mind always remembers the pieces of tenderness  
I hold in my heart_

_My heart binded by tears  
Every little moment  
I'm longing for a love I can't have_

_Ah, I count the stars  
I wish I could sleep  
Enveloped in you_

_I wanna be your dream catcher  
The flower in my heart has not bloomed  
But I'll believe that one day it will  
I wanna be your dream catcher  
I'll be reborn now, for the first time  
Fly again_

_My heart never surrenders  
The straight-up way I looked at things when I was a kid  
Hasn't changed_

_Ah, just looking at you  
Pulls my love to you  
Like a magnet_

_I wanna be your dream catcher  
No matter what sadness comes  
I want to protect you  
I wanna be your dream catcher  
Now I can be strong for the first time  
Fly again_

_I feel something sneak into me  
It surprises me  
Opens me_

_I wanna be your dream catcher  
The flower in my heart has not bloomed  
But I'll believe that one day it will  
I wanna be your dream catcher  
I'll be reborn now, for the first time  
Fly again_

* * *

I invited Kurt to sleep over my place that night. I wasn't as embarrassed of my house as I was before, I had it upgraded and it was much more spacious than before. I still didn't have an upstairs but I managed to purchase a larger bed.

We were both greeted by Mimi as we stepped inside. I picked her up and kissed her on the head; as I usually did when I came home. She mewed happily and rested in my arms. I faced Kurt and smiled.

We both got dressed, getting ready for bed. I kept extra changes of clothes for Kurt at my house, this wasn't the first time he spent the night. We both freshened up in the bathroom and I pushed him playfully onto my bed. I pinned him down and rained kisses onto him giggling. I could have guessed my face was a shade of pink.

He grinned up at me and shifted our bodies rather quickly so he was on top. He rained kisses down on to me instead and teasingly nibbled on my ear.

* * *

It was morning and Kurt came over to me as I prepared breakfast. I was quite proud of my cooking, when I was young I always had to prepare my own meals. I liked to experiment and I was quite good at it.

He grabbed hold of my waist and whispered a 'good morning' into my ear. I couldn't help but flush and laugh – it tickled. I turned around and hit him playfully on the chest telling him to stop. We flirted, I was experiencing true happiness. I felt giddy, just like a school girl. He continued to tickle me and even though I kept telling him 'stop, stop' I secretly wanted him to keep going. I knew that if I had Kurt, I could and would overcome my past.

We were both interrupted by a loud knock on my door. I wondered who it could be and looked at myself in the mirror to make sure I was at least decent looking. Mimi followed me to the door and was wrapping herself around my left leg.

I opened the door and found myself facing face-to-face to Ridge. At that moment, my world came crashing down on me.

- - - - - End: Eyes for the Moon - - - - -

**OH-MY-EFFING-GOD. RIDGE! What is he doing here. O:**

**Lyrics to the song "Dream Catcher" by OLIVIA.**

**The Ray moment is something I took off of HM64 (the best HM game of all time). O: Cliff visits your house sometimes in the morning to give you fish.**

**Aaaannnddd. I don't know if I want to go full out with future sex scenes… I'm still debating it. I didn't go too in-depth with the foreplay that went on in this chapter if you haven't noticed.**

**Review loveys! -mwaa- **_**Do it.**_

**PS. No, I have nothing against Jamie either. I'm quite fond of him/her as well.**

**- Tara**


	7. Conceived Sorrow

**One thing to say: Suna should have listened to her gut instinct.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 7: Conceived Sorrow - - - - -

I stood there, my hand gripping the door. I was face-to-face with Ridge… Ridge, of all people. My expression went blank with shock. My mind slipped from reality and I was left with an empty slate of black. I made no sudden movements, no sudden sounds. I simply stood there in the doorway, staring at him with dead eyes.

I came to my senses and began to tremble; bit by bit I could hear my mind screaming. I couldn't hear anything around me; I couldn't even hear my screams. I didn't even notice Kurt gripping onto me…

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?! HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND ME?! GET OUT OF HERE. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE," I was screaming, I was uncontrollable. My body trembled as I continued to yell my heart out. They were blood curdling, deafening… I felt my entire body go numb just then.

Ridge did nothing but stand there. He stood there looking at me with an amused expression. He didn't move an inch, he didn't wince… his face was the same expression as it was when I opened the door. _This bastard found this amusing…_

I couldn't calm down – I completely freaked out. There he was, standing before me. He made no effort to contact me in over a year and then he suddenly shows up at my house in the country? How… why… _why me?_

My body went into fits, I couldn't move my legs. They were glued to the floor. I wanted to push him, push him out of my sight… but my legs… why couldn't they move?

I fell to the ground screaming, crying… hot tears trickled down my cheeks, my neck. Tears filled with frustration, anger… shock. I crouched down and clutched my head, holding tightly onto my hair. I felt hopeless, I wanted him gone. I didn't want him back in my life; I wanted to start over… I just started to start over so why… _why me?_

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD. GET OUT!" I managed to yell at him with the last of my strength, I suddenly felt so tired – so drained emotionally and physically. "Get… out…" was all I managed to gasp out between my sobs.

I felt broken, so utterly and completely… broken.

"I'll see you later then Suna," he replied. I didn't look at him, I had no idea what his facial expression was like. His voice was cold, seductive… He was toying with me again.

I continued gripping my hair, sending my cries throughout the room. I just wanted to disappear. Run… run far away from the world I lovingly called 'hell'. Only now… it really was hell. I wanted to escape.

_Even innocent people  
Are lashed by the lukewarm rain and wounds take root_

_Lies are born now  
And somewhere they cease to be lies_

_At some point, words and even this day  
Has become buried in mistakes  
Embracing a blue, unblemished memory_

_In the tears of this violent emotion, even my lust is blurred  
Even the strength to live in the present…  
The violent emotion sends me crazy, and I grieve  
Holding onto my wish to the evening sun_

_Burning from the inside  
Crying with pain  
You can't save me_

_In the tears of this violent emotion, the tenderness I lost  
Is born and I'm given love  
It must be because of my own weakness  
That I lost my heart…?_

_It's then the proof of sadness, caused by absolute justice  
In the lukewarm rain which does not stop..._

* * *

I woke up abruptly, I could feel my body trembling slightly. I looked around quickly hoping it was all a dream… but what just happened was too vivid for me to forget – to deny it ever happened. I found myself sitting in Kurt's lap, his arms were wrapped tightly around me. I could feel the weight of his head on my shoulder, it was comfortable… but a part of me couldn't feel his touch at all.

I continued to sit there trembling, my body went limp. My eyes were downcast and my mind was blank. I looked slowly towards the clock to catch the time and it read 10:31. _I was passed out for nearly 3 hours…_

I slowly unwrapped myself from Kurt's grasp and crouched in front of him. I couldn't help but feel a wash of guilt take over me. Kurt… so patient and understanding. But if I told him about me, what would he do? How would he react? He saw me freak out in front of Ridge and he must have a vivid lock on what he looked liked… would he understand or would he push me away? Would he forgive me or hate me? _Would he… push me away? Push me away just like Ridge did?_

I couldn't bring myself to even remotely touch him. I was so scared – so scared of Kurt finding out about the true me. I couldn't hide it anymore, he knew… knew something happened between me and that 'stranger'. I felt my mind race again. _Why was I such a coward…_

I huddled myself into a corner and buried my face in my hands.

* * *

"-na… Suna…" I heard a voice calling me. I came crashing down back to reality.

I quickly lifted my head and found myself locking eyes with Kurt. His expression… it made my heart ache. His eyes were engulfed with fear, shock, worry… desperation. I wanted so desperately to fling my arms around his neck and cry my heart out. But I knew deep down, I had no right.

I began to tremble again, I flinched as he reached out to touch my arm. I violently shook my head and felt tears flow freely from my eyes again. "No… d-don't touch me… don't look at me… don't… please, no…" I said slowly as I huddled myself into a ball.

"…Suna…" was all he said over and over.

I couldn't bare it, I couldn't face him. I couldn't stand it… to see him cry out for me so desperately. What did I do to deserve his love? I felt dirty, I was holding him back from finding a woman worthy enough for him. I was lower than dirt, filled with deceit and mistrust. My insecurity slowly began to devour me.

It was a sudden movement, a sudden blur of colors. He grasped my left arm quickly and pulled my body into his. He hugged me tightly and repeated my name over and over. He stroked my hair and I could feel his body tremble. The tears were back, and one by one… I felt them roll down my cheeks.

I buried my face into his chest and let out my cries. My body went into spasms and Kurt's embrace didn't calm me down in the least. My body hung loose and I couldn't even bring myself to wrap my arms around him.

* * *

Even though my cries ceased, Kurt still held onto me. My face was pale and my eyes were dead. I felt like I couldn't see anything but black. Kurt's strong grasp on me was probably the only thing I had to keep me from blacking out.

"…Kurt," I managed to mumble slowly.

His body suddenly tensed and he loosened his grip and looked me directly in the face. "S-Suna…" he didn't say anything more. The look on his face was enough to make my heart break – he looked like a lost child; like he wanted to cry…

"…S-sorry… I'm…" I could feel my voice cracking; I was on the verge of tears again. "I'm so sorry… I never… wanted you to see me like this…" the tears began to fall down again, one by one. "I'm so sorry… so… sorry…" I choked out.

"Suna no… PLEASE… _Please_ don't say that you're sorry… What's wrong Suna… Who was he? I don't get it… Please, tell me Suna… I can't take seeing you like this," he replied. His voice was low and exact, I found it hard to tell him 'no'.

I remained silent, rethinking his words and over again. "I… I c-can't…" I slowly looked away, I couldn't bear look him in the face anymore.

"Suna…" he said. His voice sounded different, it was filled with hurt. "Why not? Why can't you tell me? You expect me to act like nothing happened after watching you break down so suddenly?! Suna… you _never_ talk about yourself, you never try…" he paused. "Is it me? Is it because of me? Am I not trustworthy enough…?" his voice was starting to crack.

I shut my eyes tight, those words… Those words were the ones I dreaded the most. I feared Kurt speaking those words to me, and now the day came. My body was filled with guilt, I could feel my heart fall apart. I was hesitant but I brought myself to look at him in the eye. I saw that his eyes were glazed over, his tears were screaming to be cut loose.

"That's not it at all Kurt!" I said quickly. "I d-…" I paused. "It's not you… it's not you… It's ME. It's because of ME, Kurt. Because I'm such a coward! I'm scared! I'm scared of losing you! I'm scared if I told you everything about me you would leave me!" I could feel my voice rising and rising with each spoken sentence. My body began to tremble again. "I'm scared as hell of losing you! Everyday… every single day I think about telling you… but… I can never do it… that doubt, that doubt consumes my thoughts everyday… I always think, 'what if he hates me' if I told you… 'What if he pushes me away'… 'What if he can't bring himself to look at me'. _What if. What if. What if!_ I'm scared to death… I wouldn't know what I would do. In such a short amount of time, you became such a large part of me. I can't stand it… I can't stand it that everyday when we're together, I know that I'm deceiving you." My tears were falling fast and my breath quickened. "I don't… I don't deserve your love… I don't deserve you."

Kurt continued to look at me, I half expected him to shout at me in anger. "How do you know I would do that to you? Do you have that little trust in me, Suna…?" his voice sunk and he pulled me closer. "How would you know I would react that way if you never told me? If you never even tried to tell me? How Suna… how?" he paused and gripped me tighter, lying his head on my shoulder. "If anything… if anything, I don't deserve you. You're amazing in every possible way. I often think about what I did to make you attracted to me – to someone like _me_. Sometimes I think it's all a dream and I'm scared to wake up. Every moment we share… I cherish it." He inhaled deeply. "But Suna…" he slowly let out his breath. "We… how can we call this a relationship? Relationships take the effort and input by both people… I want to know everything about you. Everyday I'm wondering when you will finally open up to me… everyday. I _want_ to know about you. I want to know everything, I want to be the one who knows you the most – the best. I want it more than anything Suna. Can't you see that? Can't you see how much you mean to me?" he loosened his grip and looked me straight in the eye. A few tears trickled slowly down his cheeks. He held my face in his hands and my tears fell silently but rapidly. "You deserve every ounce of my being. I love you, Suna… only you."

I shut my eyes and took in everything he told me. He loved me… he told me he _loved_ me. I pressed my hands against his. They were so warm, so soft… I slowly removed them both from my cheeks and held them in front of my chest, clutching them tightly. He leaned in closer to me and gently began to kiss and lick my tears away. I shivered slightly as I enjoyed feeling of his lips.

"Suna…" he then broke free of my grip on his hands and held me close to him again. He was gripping me so tightly, I couldn't help but return the embrace.

I still couldn't help but feel scared. His words were so sincere, I couldn't help but fully believe them. With Ridge, he taught me that words were filled with lies. With most people, they probably were. But with Kurt… something drove me to believe that maybe all words weren't filled with deceit.

- - - - - End: Conceived Sorrow - - - - -

**Lyrics to "Ryoujoku no Ame" (Violating Rain) by my favorite band of all time, Dir en grey.**

**-sigh- This was a bit of a depressing chapter, no? And quite shorter than usual, but everything that was said is important for the story. Yep… important stuff indeed. And this is where the affliction comes in! Ahhhhhhhhh.**

**The next chapter will be about Suna's and Ridge's past! And a new but extremely important character will be introduced… Why is he important? Why, because he's going to be the main character of my next fanfic of course! I'm really excited to start it too, I know exactly what I'm gonna do with it… I've been planning it in my head for days now.**

**Review loveys. -kisskiss-**

**- Tara**


	8. Summer Pulse

**Blah. This chapter is a little choppy and I don't care.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 8: Summer Pulse - - - - -

Kurt and I sat ourselves at my kitchen table. I was hesitant to start telling him, I couldn't find the right words. I fumbled around with them and kept stuttering until I sank back in my chair and hung my head in my hands. I let out deep sighs and Kurt lovingly rubbed my arm. I knew what he was telling me, words weren't needed for me to understand. Even though I knew he was telling me to take my time, I wanted to hurry and tell him everything…

"I was born and raised in South Korea…" I slowly said.

* * *

_My mother was Korean and my father was European (Italian and French). My father was fascinated with the country and met my mother there while on vacation. The two of them met, fell in love, and about 2 weeks after their wedding my mother announced that she was pregnant with me. I was born on the morning of February 12__th__. 3 years after my birth, my little brother Jamie (but everyone knows him as Jae) was born on the 2__nd__ of December. We looked exactly alike – people often mistook us as twins. As we were being raised, my father didn't want us to know only Korean so he taught us English and we grew up bilingual. When we spoke Korean we had the perfect Korean accent and when we spoke English we had the perfect English accent. We were a very, very happy family…_

_When I was 10 and Jae was 7, that's when the problems started. My father often went out at night drinking because the business he had in town was ruined. I wasn't sure on the details because I was very young at the time but one of his close friends had promised the business extreme success if my father gave him all of our money. Them being the best of years for over 15 years, he agreed. The next week his so-called best friend fled the country with all of our money. My mother became shrewd and often yelled at us if my father wasn't home. She often said that it was all of mine and Jae's fault for our father's mistake. "If it weren't for the two of you your father wouldn't have to have opened up that shitty business!"_

_My father always came home smelling like alcohol and cigarettes and as soon as he would step through the door a fight between my parents would erupt. There was hitting, screaming, crying… Furniture was trashed and my mom was usually left cowering in the corner._

_After 4 years of living in hell, my mother finally filed for a divorce. She gained custody over Jae and my father gained custody over me. My mother and brother both stayed to live in Seoul, South Korea while my father took me to live with him in Flushing, New York._

_Jae and I were devastated; we both hated our parents and couldn't bear to be separated. Jae was my best friend in the world as I was his. Jae was a crybaby, he was the loveable and cutie-pie type and I was always his big protector. We did everything together… We had the same taste in everything – food, clothing, music, etc. I didn't understand why we had to be separated._

_The day before I was set to leave for New York, I brought home red hair dye. I told Jae that I was going to dye my hair and I would dye his as well. We both had long black hair (but it was styled different) and we looked amazing with the red dyed in. I told Jae that I wouldn't dye my hair any other color except for red and he promised me the same. Even though Jae was extremely young at the time (only 11) I taught him how to mix the dye and how to put it in. He promised me he would re-dye it whenever the red would fade. We promised to write each other constantly because phone calls would be too costly._

_When I was 14, I was in a band with Ridge (15), Justin (15), Adam (16), and Jesse (15). Ridge and I were the founders of the band and we both decided to name it Breathless. I met Ridge one day on the bus; all of the seats were taken except for the one next to him. He was very handsome, cool… He had long black hair that was dyed white and red all over. He had gorgeous dark green eyes and he was very tall for his age (5'8) and thin and toned. I noticed he was wearing my favorite brand of fashion (SEX POT ReVeNGe) and I quickly made conversation with him by introducing myself. That was how I met my future best friend, future band-mate, and future lover…_

_When I was 15, my father died. He died from drinking and driving, I was pissed off for him leaving me alone in the world – but I didn't even cry at his funeral. That's when I decided to quit school to pursue my band. I lived by myself in the apartment we were renting and got a job in order to pay for it and to keep myself alive._

_When I was 16, our band was forced to disband. Jesse, Justin, and Adam beat the crap out of 3 teenagers who were the children of a very important businessman somewhere in the city._

_Ridge moved in with me at my apartment as soon as we started going out (which was a few months after my father died). Ridge and I did everything together; I truly loved him with all my heart. In the beginning, he was such a sweetheart. He put me 1__st__ before anything and everything… When we started to go out, Ridge changed a lot as a person. He never even gave other women second glances, he always spoiled me and I thought our relationship was perfect._

_A year after Breathless was forced to disband, that's when Ridge and I started to have problems. I was 17 at the time and he was 18. He always verbally abused me and always accused me of cheating on him with other guys. How is it that all men think that simply laughing and talking with another guy is flirting? How? He wasn't afraid to tell me what he thought and he was always brutally honest. I have to admit, I absolutely loathed his logic. He always twisted everything little thing that was originally against him and he turned it so it would be against the other person – he did it so naturally, it was crazy. He was the type who thought a lot and he had a short fuse. He was a complete asshole at times but I always, always forgave him in the end._

_I always thought I couldn't live my life without him. It was true; everyone so desperately wishes that their first love was their only love. That's how I wanted it… I thought Ridge was the one. I was so foolishly in love with him. I was just so blind with that so called love that I failed to see that he was just lying to me ever since our band disbanded. Every time we fought… it would always be my fault. Either because I "flirted" with guys, because I was an attention-whore, because we had "nothing in common", because of this, because of that… He never believed in what I said. As soon as he sets something in his mind, there's no changing it… He said he hated how much of an attention-whore I was with guys. I never really got along that well with girls and the majority of my friends were guys, and he knew that. He always accused me of cheating on me with someone and he claimed he couldn't love me because we had nothing in common. What the fuck was that shit? Hello? Fashion, music? What else more could you want? We had everything in common. But then I realized – he was just making things up to get away from me._

_One night while we were walking back home to our apartment, Ridge started to yell at me again for the same things over and over… At one point I was just so sick of it that I blurted out, "Why don't you just break up with me then?!"_

_I wasted so many tears over him. I tried so long to rebuild our relationship – the relationship he didn't want… I always believed he wanted to try though. After all of our arguments, he would make-up with me and speak such sweet words to me… he was the old Ridge that I knew and loved. I always found it in my heart to forgive him and he would always promise me he would try._

_That night he told me he had no intention of breaking up with me because he was worried about his image. He kept verbally abusing me in hope that I would finally end it with him – so I could do his dirty work. He told me that he's been miserable with me ever since Breathless was forced to disband and that he's wanted to break-up ever since. Ever since Breathless disbanded, every time I let him touch me… He told me it was to make it "fair". "Fair" for all of the times I touched him. He only touched me… to make it even. I gave up my virginity to a bastard like this. Every time we had sex, I always thought of it as "making love" but he was just using me for his own sick pleasure. I couldn't handle the truth, it hurt so much… He just crushed me then and there. I was numb and just stood there dumbfounded._

_I told him I refused to break-up with him and told him to do it himself if he wanted it so bad. I was shocked to see his reaction, he was so flustered telling me that he couldn't do that. After a few days, I let go of my pride and dumped him. I threw all of his stuff out of my apartment window as he watched and told him to never show his face to me again. He left without a word._

_Everything he told me for the past year were all lies… how he loved me, how he didn't think of anyone else, how much he wanted to try… they were all lies. He made sure to break me; and he succeeded._

_I cried bitter tears and became dead to the world. What did it matter if another dead soul inhabited it? Our hellish world was filled with corruption and greed. I made no effort to do anything; I stayed home all the time and stopped going to work. I ate about once a day and there would be days where I wouldn't eat at all._

_But worst of all… deep inside I knew I still loved Ridge. He had taught me so much in the span of 3 years. I grew to completely trust and love him. There would be times where I would wake up thinking it was all a nightmare – I would hopefully look to my side and half-expect to see his sleeping face. It was always a brutal realization and it burned inside me._

_I stopped replying to Jae's letters but sent him a short one apologizing and told him I would be moving my address – I was off to live as a farmer in Flower Bud Village._

* * *

I let out a long sigh and banged my head onto the table and rested it there. Kurt didn't say anything and I was afraid to look at him. The silence wasn't awkward but it was… tense. I wasn't sure what to expect from Kurt. In my life, there were only 2 people I ever opened up to. Those people were Jae and Ridge… and now… Kurt was the 3rd. I lifted my head up hesitantly and turned to face him.

I looked at him and was surprised to see he buried his face in his hands. His body was slightly trembling and it looked tense. I hesitantly reached out to touch him and watched my fingers twitch. I decided to quickly draw back my hand and I stood up from my chair to uncover his face.

As I slowly withdrew his hands, his face was filled with grief and rage. In all honesty, the anger that was reflected in his eyes scared me…

"I'll fucking kill him," was all he said.

- - - - - End: Summer Pulse - - - - -

**Another short chapter! But all said was needed to be said. Stuff will pick up again next chapter!**

**Flushing, New York is a section of New York where it's inhabited by Koreans. Just like Chinatown and Little Tokyo, this is Koreatown. I love it there soooooo much. It's quite fun. If any of you guys happen to go to New York, stop by Flushing. :D**

**And yes, Jae! Jae will be the hero of my next fanfic! It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna take place in Mineral Town (based on Back to Nature, not Friends of Mineral Town). I'm going to post up the first chapter of it when I post up the last chapter for **_**Affliction and Ecstasy**_**. And it will be much more… Harvest Moon-ish. A lot more interacting with other characters and the like.**

**So, what'd you guys think? Boring? Interesting? Confusing? I was very brief about the disbanding because who the hell wants to read that AGAIN when the whole first chapter was about that, right? But bah. I couldn't put everything I wanted to, I don't know. It was… JUST SO HARD TO PUT MY THOUGHTS INTO THIS CHAPTER. Ugh. It was a frustrating chapter to write.**

**Review loveys!**

**- Tara**


	9. Hell's Punishment

**Hahahaha. No, everyone, Kurt is **_**not**_** going to kill Ridge. You know how typical guys are; their lover gets screwed over, tempers flare, yada yada yada. He was just pissed off. Like. A lot.**

**Erm. I'm kind of having trouble with rating this story "M"… It's probably just my computer but it's not loading when I click 'save changes'. But then again my computer isn't loading a lot of other sites… So…**

**WARNING: SEXUAL ACTIVITY!**** Do not read if you aren't comfortable with it. Watch me lose all of my readers because of this chapter. D,: -cries-**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 9: Hell's Punishment - - - - -

Kurt spent the rest of the day with me at my house. He didn't bother going to work and he didn't even bother calling Woody that he would be with me all day. I couldn't help but feel guilty knowing full well that Kurt was going to get chewed out later. But deep down, I was relieved to know he wasn't going to leave me alone.

I was tense for the rest of the day and extremely fidgety. I was scared of Ridge stopping by, but with Kurt by my side, he eased my thoughts a bit and enveloped me in security. However, I knew I was being selfish… Kurt would do anything for me, and it made me fill with guilt. I realized that a part of me was still in love with Ridge and even though Kurt knew this, he still stayed by me. If Kurt and I were to switch places… I knew I would feel horrible if he was in love with another person besides me. I knew it was wrong but I don't know why I can't let go… Or rather, I don't know how to let go.

I heard the gossip around the village that a handsome stranger was staying at the inn, and right away, Kurt and I knew it was Ridge. I called Lyla up and told her that this 'handsome stranger' was my ex-boyfriend and told her about our relationship with brief detail. I told her to stay away from him and to contact me if he did anything to anyone in the village. I was pensive, I didn't know what he was planning, or why he even chose to come find me.

* * *

"Suna? Are you going to be okay?" Kurt asked me. I could hear the concern and worry echo in his voice.

I nodded slowly and revealed him a sweet smile. "Yeah… I'll be okay… You need to hurry back home before Woody gets really mad at you… I'll see you later?"

In reality, I really wasn't okay – or going to be okay. I didn't want Kurt to leave me, but I knew he had to. It hurt to utter those words to him, and I could tell Kurt didn't believe me. But if I told him otherwise, I knew he'd stay with me without a second thought…

"Yeah… I'll see you as soon as I get off work, okay?" Kurt replied sincerely.

I nodded again and held back the tears that were forming in my eyes. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and took in his scent; it made me feel safe with him being so close. It intoxicated me. He returned the embrace with his strong arms and he graced his fingers through my hair. Letting go slightly, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. They were soft and tender, and I kissed him back hungrily. Soft to the touch, sweet to the taste… As he began to pull away from me, I reluctantly let him go.

As he left, I watched him walk away from my window. I locked the door and slumped myself onto my bed. Mimi mewed quietly and rested herself on my stomach, she began to nibble on the edge of my shirt. Petting her absentmindedly, I couldn't help myself from thinking of what happened two days ago. Ridge's face was imprinted deeply into my mind, and it made me frustrated that I couldn't erase it. I cursed myself over and over and cried bitter tears.

* * *

Mulling over Ridge wasn't going to make him disappear, crying over Ridge wasn't going to make him disappear – so I continued with my farm work. I watered all of my crops and planted a few more batches of turnips that would be ready to harvest at spring's end. As I watered, I saw Dan approach me with a small smile.

"Suna! I haven't seen you in so long! How have you been?" Dan asked with a slight bounce to his step.

I sighed tiredly and shook my head. "Horrible. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Eh? Suna, what's wrong?" Dan furrowed his brow as he stepped closer to me. "You never tell me that you'll see me later."

I sighed again and looked up at him, saying: "I know that Dan. But please… Not now. I'll see you later… Alright?"

Sighing, I trudged back inside my house leaving Dan standing there. It was only 2pm by the time I finished and Kurt would get off at around 6. I wanted him to get off work now, I felt abnormally fidgety. I was scared to go out into town; I didn't want to bump into Ridge. I didn't know how to confront him, the fact that he was in Flower Bud made my stomach churn. It was unbelievable, why of all people? Why did it have to be Ridge?

I played with Mimi as I flipped through the various channels on television, I couldn't focus and I couldn't think straight. My mind was preoccupied with only Ridge. Ridge, Ridge, Ridge. I cried in frustration as I huddled myself into a ball in front of the television set. It hasn't even been 15 minutes since I came back inside and I was already another wreck. I felt suffocated and I despised myself for getting so worked up over this.

I felt lightheaded and I felt like passing out again, my stomach was empty but I couldn't bring myself to eat. If food merely touched my lips, I'm sure I would begin to puke.

I walked into the kitchen and began to rummage through my cabinets for a glass. Surely, if I drank water I'd be fine… As I filled the glass with cool water, my vision began to blur and the glass slipped out of my hands. I didn't even remotely care at the sound of shattering glass, I couldn't hold myself up. My body weakened and I collapsed onto the floor beside the glass with half-lidded eyes. My eyes began to glaze over again – Ridge was killing me.

I couldn't even feel the pain in my left hand, I didn't know it but a piece of glass embedded itself into my flesh. I laid there motionless and bleeding, completely dead to the world.

I despised myself as I laid there, I hated how emotionally weak I was. I let the littlest things get to me, and it drove me crazy. If it was someone else in this situation, I'm sure I would tell them to suck it up and get over it… But that's the thing, I'm a filthy hypocrite and I knew it.

* * *

I didn't know how long I stayed motionless on the floor, but I heard my door open and I automatically assumed that it was Kurt. Heaving myself off of the ground, I slowly made my way into the living room and saw Ridge standing there.

I wasn't sure what happened next, but the next thing I knew I was in Ridge's arms. I tried to run, to get away from him… but he grasped me by the arm and threw me into a strong embrace. My voice wouldn't come out – I couldn't scream and I couldn't tell him to get away from me. I couldn't even remotely move my arms…

Ridge grew, he looked to be about 6'1 now and he was unbelievably strong… Compared to him, I was nothing. I must have been fooling myself if I thought I could get away.

"Suna… Please stop struggling… I've missed you so much," Ridge said huskily. His voice was low and deep, and it scared me. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. His embrace relaxed and became more tender, he held onto me gingerly as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear.

I wanted to scream… I wanted him to stop touching me.

"Suna… didn't you miss me?" he asked. His grip on me relaxed as he looked down at me straight in the eye – I suddenly felt naked, those deep, green orbs of his were raping and stripping me. "I've missed you so much… I'm sorry for what I've done to you, Suna… There hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought about you, won't you forgive me?"

My blood seethed with anger, I couldn't believe him… This… This asshole suddenly comes back to me with a simple 'sorry'? _Who the fuck does he think he is?_ Despite how much I wanted to answer back, my voice wouldn't come out… It felt stuck in my throat. My tears cut loose and they flowed freely and rapidly.

I flinched as Ridge began to lick them away. I immediately thought of Kurt… he was doing the exact same thing Kurt does for me when I cry… and I hated it. I didn't want this, I didn't want Ridge… _I don't want him._

"Suna, do I scare you? I've been looking for you for quite some time now… but I called up your friend – what was her name again? Oh, yes… Evelyn. She told me that you were leaving to be a 'farmer' in a place called Flower Bud Village… I take it you didn't tell her of us? She seemed quite normal when I called and asked her."

I struggled to free myself of him; I couldn't believe that Evelyn would tell him where I was… But then again, it was my fault for not telling her what happened between me and Ridge. I couldn't trust people, and I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I felt stupid for telling anyone where I was going, I loathed myself even more for not locking the door when I came back inside.

"Suna…" Ridge's voice was low and seductive. It was more or less than a moan… He drew himself closer to me and pressed his supple lips to mine. My eyes widened in shock and I desperately tried to free myself from him, but he only held on tighter. Ridge knew exactly how to get what he wanted from me, and he was doing just that… He worked his tongue so I would open my mouth, despite how much I tried not to. I felt his tongue slither into my mouth, and began to reach every crevice it could. I couldn't help but recall the memories that I had with Ridge, how much I longed and loved his voice, his eyes, his touch…

My mind was screaming and I suddenly felt the pain in my hand as Ridge grabbed onto it. My body was beginning to freeze with raw terror; I just wanted to get away…

Ridge relaxed his grip on me entirely and I took it as a chance to run, but of course, Ridge was faster and quickly caught up to me. He pulled my body straight back into him.

"Suna… don't try to get away, you want this, don't you?"

My body froze as I felt his hands wander under my shirt. My back was facing his chest and I knew I couldn't escape in the position I was in. I cried silently as I felt his hands stroke my breasts. I could feel his hard-on and my body began to tremble.

_He's going to rape me…_

He brought me to the couch and began to strip me of my clothes. First my shirt, then my skirt… I covered myself desperately as he tried to remove my bra and underwear. With well experienced hands, he easily removed me of everything. I began to cry as I lied there fully naked before him. I felt a chill caress my body and I suddenly felt cold.

"Suna… you're so pretty when you cry. And oh, what's this? Hickeys from that boy-toy of yours I saw earlier? You're such a slut, Suna," Ridge hissed icily and seductively.

I knew that the hickeys Kurt gave me a few days ago were still there, and I started to think that it was a mistake… I wouldn't know what I'd do if Ridge laid a finger on him. I don't care what he does to me, as long as he doesn't touch Kurt…

I shut my eyes tight as I heard the rustle of clothes; I only prayed to God that someone would walk in before Ridge could finish undressing. But I guess this is my punishment for never believing in such a thing as 'God'.

I clamped my eyes shut tighter as I felt Ridge's body rest slightly on top of mine. His lips were pressed to mine and they slowly moved onto my neck… I let out a cry as my eyes jerked open – every touch of his reminded me of Kurt… I despised myself even more since I could feel myself growing hot and excited from his touch – they were like an exact imitation of Kurt's. I tried to wriggle free from beneath him, but his weight proved my actions to be fruitless. Writhing underneath him, I let out frustrated whimpers.

_Kurt… I'm so sorry…_

My body became limp – I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. I hadn't eaten in over 2 days and I felt weaker with Ridge on top of me. His body was growing hotter with each passing second and I could feel his sweat graze my skin.

I felt his tongue reach every crevice of my body, and I felt him suck and nibble at my flesh. I could feel the forming of hickeys upon my neck, chest, and breasts… the sucking sound made me sick to my stomach.

"Stop…" I managed to say weakly. It would have been a miracle if he heard me; it was even lower than a whisper. I didn't even notice that I was still crying and I couldn't feel the throbbing pain in my hand. My body began to ache, and my skin felt as if it was set on fire. With every touch, my skin only seemed to burn with pain.

He lifted himself off of me and told me to sit up, I couldn't budge… I wouldn't budge. Grabbing me by the hair, he thrusted my body close to him and told me to suck. I whimpered and shut my eyes tight as he made my mouth open skillfully with his fingers. I gagged as he came in my mouth and the pace of my tears only quickened.

I heard Ridge's breath only quicken and become heavy. He threw me back onto the couch and licked my lips and inserted his tongue back into my mouth. He spread my legs apart slowly and took no time to hesitate to thrust into my depths deeply and rashly. I let out an afflicted cry, jerking my head from his kiss and he only quickened his pace. The penetration only gave me unwanted memories – I remembered how much I loved it when this man would make love to me. But now… It hurt. As this went on, I began to breathe in the raw smell of fresh blood – my blood. With each and every thrust, it only brought more pain and tears.

Pausing, Ridge removed his length and came onto my breasts and stomach. I let out a desperate whimper as he let out a satisfied moan. He hovered above me and began to lick and suck at my neck and I felt a tinge of pain course through my body. He was sucking on the fresh hickeys he gave me and I let out more cries of pain. His tongue caressed my neck and traced up to my lips. Moaning, he pressed his to my swollen ones and sucked on my bottom lip. I felt a trickle of blood flow through my mouth and I realized he bit onto my bottom lip and caused it to tear. He drank my blood up and continued to make love to my mouth.

I felt his hot breath in my ear as and he moaned, "Feel good, Suna?" I could feel his tongue tease my cartilage and his fingers fondled my breasts. I could feel my body growing hot again and I whimpered in agony.

* * *

I wasn't sure at what time Ridge left. My mind completely shut down and I lied there motionless on the couch. My tears stopped and my body ached… I felt Ridge's semen dry to my skin and the feel and smell of it bothered me. My mind was blank and I was oblivious to Mimi's constant cries.

I heard the door click open and the living room light flicked on. I heard the sound of plastic bags abruptly drop to the ground. I opened my eyes wide as I shifted my gaze to settle upon the blurry figure standing before me.

"S-Suna…"

It was Kurt and I felt my heart stop.

- - - - - End: Hell's Punishment - - - - -

**Another short chapter. Sorry.**

**Oh f-u-c-k. Suna got raped. I didn't get too nitpicky with the details. From the beginning of the fanfic, there were only 2 things that I was sure of: Kurt would be Suna's love interest and she was going to get raped. I'm horrible. Hah. BUT I actually planned it to be Dan raping her in the beginning, oh, how things change.**

**I'm going up to Vermont tomorrow for my annual family camping trip, and I'll be back on the 27****th**** (Friday)… I think… I dunno since I'm going up 2 days late (no one had room in their cars to take me D:). So the next chapter will be up as soon as I get back, and it's my fave chapter yet. It's so very adorable and sweet.**

**Oh. Btw. I never mentioned this but… Suna named the farm "Trick"… so… it would be the Trick Farm.**

**Yessssss. You can still bleed even if you aren't a virgin. You can bleed by being fingered too. It depends how rough the person is with you.**

**Review loveys!**

**- Tara**


	10. Heaven's Embrace

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.**

- - - - - Chapter 10: Heaven's Embrace - - - - -

I watched Kurt's shocked impression with hurt and shame. His gaze scanned my body in shock – the blood stain on the couch, the dark hickeys, everything… I mustered all of my strength and reached for a nearby blanket to cover me with. I wrapped myself in the thin blanket and huddled myself into a ball, crying in frustration.

"Suna… w-what…" Kurt began to stutter and he fumbled for words. The expression on his face was unbearable for me to look at and I could feel my heart rip in two. I could feel his eyes lingering on me. "Ridge… Did he… do this?"

The pace of my tears only quickened and my body began to tremble. I began to shake my head, "Don't… look at me…" I said between sobs. "Get… get out… I don't want you to look at me." I cried out bitterly. I sunk to a new low – I was feeling sorry for _myself_.

"Suna…" Kurt muffled between his tears. "Oh god, Suna…"

My cries echoed throughout the room, I couldn't cry silently anymore. They were loud, painful cries. My heart and mind were both screaming and I wanted to be cut loose from the hold hell had on me. I felt Kurt's arms embrace me and I sobbed into his chest.

"Suna…" Kurt slowly repeated my name over and over as if it was a magical spell. And lord, I wished that it was – anything to help me ease the pain. His hold on me only tightened and he rested his head on my shoulder. I felt his hot tears dampen my shoulder and it only made my tears fall harder.

My heart burned with fury and devastation. I grieved for myself and I grieved for Kurt. I knew I couldn't be the woman worthy for him, and this proved it… The fact that I was so easily raped, the fact that my heart had been swayed since the beginning…

* * *

"K-Kurt…" I let out sullenly after calming down. His body flinched slightly at the sound of my voice but he didn't lift his head. "Please… Don't see me anymore. I don't deserve you… you don't want a broken woman like me. You may not think so now, but in the future, you'll get tired of me. Please… I don't want you to… love me anymore," I said slowly.

Kurt didn't respond and he didn't lift his head. His tears still flowed and I felt them begin to trickle down my bare back. I felt the course of one tear trace all the way down, and it sent shivers up my spine. His grip on me tightened and then relaxed. He pulled away from me to look me the eye, and his dark brown eyes of his looked straight into my soul. His face was filled with devastation, hurt, and grief. I felt my eyes glaze over and I quickly shut them and turned my head away. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't… look at the person I loved.

"Do you really mean that?" He asked me slightly above a whisper. His voice was trembling and it was engulfed in chaos.

I remained silent and my body began to tremble.

"…I love you, Suna. You know I love you. I can't… I can't just stop loving you. I'm… This is all my fault… Because I wasn't here by you, he…" His voice trailed off and he hung his head. I quickly opened my eyes and stared at him. I watched his tears fall rapidly and land on the soft material of the couch. "He… touched… you… It's all my fault that this happened to you, Suna."

I shook my head desperately and lifted his chin to look at me directly in the eye. I shut my eyes and pressed my lips to his. I tasted his salty tears and relished the taste. I continued to press my lips against his and slowly crept my tongue out to lick his tears away. I sucked slightly at the corner of his right eye and let out a pitiful sob. I grasped his head weakly with my hands and thrusted my bare body into his. He fell back onto the couch and I continued to lick away his tears. I traced my tongue down to his neck and sucked carefully and lovingly. He let a slight moan escape his lips and I kissed him deeply. Our tongues danced and my body exploded with bitter ecstasy. The fact that he and I were entwined together shortly after my rape, may not have made any sense to people other than the two of us.

"I… love you," I whispered into his mouth. Tears streaked down my face as did his and I clung onto him tightly. "I'm sorry… Please Kurt, keep… keep loving me."

"I can never stop, Suna," he whispered in a half moan.

He pulled me down closer to his body and grazed my neck with his tongue. I winced slightly and Kurt quickly stopped. He broke away from me and shifted his body to be on top. He hovered above me and stared with concern and hurt at my body. The deep-colored hickeys traced from my neck to my breasts – at least 30 of them. He winced at the sight and kissed the peak of my breast tenderly.

My skin hurt, and it felt as if my chest was going to collapse. It hurt to breathe and I can only imagine how it would feel if I laughed. I shakily breathed in deeply as Kurt began to gently kiss my neck gently and I felt myself grow hot. Kurt continued to hover above me and he planted his lips to mine and sucked my bottom lip gently. The fragile, thin skin was torn and he licked the cut with affection.

Hovering high above me now, Kurt realized that my hand was badly cut and was dried with blood. I noticed and quickly moved my hand out of his view but he took hold of it as soon as I did.

"What happened?" He asked with worry, as he inspected the deep cut. I never got a good look at my hand and noticed it looked much worse than how it felt. The cut was rather large, but the bleeding stopped.

"I cut myself on glass…" I mumbled, averting my gaze.

"How?"

"I d-dropped a glass of water and…"

Kurt sighed and looked at me with concern. "Hold on… I'll bandage it for you." He then left the room and came back a few minutes later and began to clean away the dried blood gently. I winced with pain and let out a few whimpers.

"I know it hurts… But you don't want it to get infected, right?"

I shook my head and he chuckled lightly. I blushed a faint pink and relished the sweet sound of his laughter – it felt so good to hear him laugh again… "It feels like I haven't seen you laugh in ages…" I said smiling at him.

He paused and looked up at me and smiled back sweetly. "It feels like I haven't seen that beautiful smile of yours in ages either."

I blushed a darker shade of pink and shyly averted my eyes to watch him clean the cut. My hand began to twitch with pain as he dabbed it gently with hydrogen peroxide. As he finished bandaging my hand, he kissed it and smiled up at me.

"Feel better?" He asked teasingly.

My blush only darkened and I giggled softly. "Much better."

* * *

He lifted my body up carefully in his strong arms and walked us into the bathroom. He covered the toilet seat with the lid and placed me on top of it, kissing my forehead. He crouched down onto the floor beside the bathtub and began to run the water. I watched him reach for the cleaner and began to clean and scrub the tub. Watching his back and shoulder muscles tighten as he worked, I couldn't help but smile.

Once he was done cleaning the tub, he ran new water with bubbles and turned to me smiling. I felt myself blush and I looked down sheepishly as he removed the blanket and placed me into the comfortable, hot water. I watched him undress and he stepped into the tub sitting behind me.

I relaxed back onto his strong chest and shut my eyes, savoring the sweet feeling of our bare bodies resting against each other. My body slightly stung in the hot water, and my insides ached as well as my head. My head throbbed from crying so much and my eyes felt dry and sensitive.

I felt Kurt's hands stroke my shoulders and arms and he continuously kissed the top of my head. I felt him reach for something and I lazily opened my eyes to see what he was grabbing. I lifted myself off of him but he brought me back down. "Relax…" he whispered.

He dampened the cloth and grabbed for some soap and squeezed some out onto it. He began to carefully clean my arms, neck, and chest. It felt good and my face was flushed a light pink.

I turned to face him and gave him a long kiss. He stopped scrubbing me and paid full attention to 'us' as he sucked gingerly on my tongue. He began to tease me by removing his tongue every time I attempted to suck on it and I could feel his lips curve into a smile. I hit him on the chest playfully, breaking the kiss, and pouted cutely up at him. "Don't be mean!" He simply grinned back at me deviously and leaned in to resume our kiss. He didn't move his tongue and he let me suck on it gently and I began to suck on his bottom lip.

_I'm lucky to have someone like this… So why do I keep trying to push him away?_

He broke the kiss and gave me a shy smile as he continued to wash my body. I blushed and smiled contently. Instead of using the cloth for my breasts, he took the cloth and wrung it in his hands to have them covered with soap. He massaged and fondled my breasts carefully and leaned in for another kiss. I gratefully returned it and felt my body envelop in sweet euphoria.

_I'm going to move on… I won't let Ridge tie me down anymore. I refuse to let my love with Kurt wither and decay… It's time for us to bloom with spring's end._

When he finished scrubbing me down, he reached for a bucket and ran fresh, clean water into it. He shifted my body so I wasn't facing him anymore and he then slowly and carefully poured the water onto my hair to soak it. I shivered slightly as I enjoyed the lukewarm water graze my scalp. He reached for the shampoo and began to wash my hair, his fingers massaging my scalp as he cleaned it.

Enjoying the feeling, I couldn't help but giggle childishly. "Are you going to let me do the same for you?"

"Maybe," Kurt teased, now running another bucket full of warm water and rinsing my hair of the soap. He did this continuously until it was completely shampoo free.

"What do you mean 'maybe'? That's not fair. I want to, I want to!" I whined as I turned to face him again.

He simply responded with an alluring grin and kissed me on the cheek. "You're cute when you pout," he said chuckling lightly.

* * *

"You're hungry, aren't you? I haven't seen you eat in awhile and you look like you lost weight," Kurt told me frowning.

"No, I haven't…" I replied meekly.

"Yes, you have, Suna. You're way too thin as it is and I don't want you losing any more weight," he said as he looked through the fridge to see what he could cook.

Sighing in defeat, I chuckled softly to myself. "You're such a sweet boyfriend."

Kurt quickly looked over at me, his face flushed with embarrassment. He coughed and averted his gaze away from mine and said: "Hardly." He then turned back to the fridge and took out a few tomatoes and scallions.

I frowned and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his back. "What's that supposed to mean? You don't think you are? I think you're amazing, Kurt."

"If I was amazing and a sweet boyfriend, I wouldn't have left you today and you wouldn't have gotten…" his voice trailed off as he shut his eyes tight.

I gripped onto him tighter, pressing my face close to his back. I shook my head and I desperately tried not to cry. "Kurt, It's not your fault… No matter what we do or say, we can't change the past… I can't… let myself grieve over this, and I refuse to. I'm going to shut him out of my life for good… And I want you to stay by me through it all."

He grasped onto my arm gently and broke himself free of my grip. He turned to face me and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I'll never leave you, Suna."

I smiled up at him and he smiled back. I pulled away from him and pointed to the tomatoes and scallions he took out of the fridge. "What are you going to make?"

"Dunno," he replied bluntly.

I laughed and poked his cheek lovingly. "Well, I'm so glad that you're going to cook for me! You haven't cooked for me at all lately."

"That's because your cooking is better."

"Nope."

"Yup."

"Nope."

"Yup."

"…Maybe."

He shot me an amused glance and laughed. "Mm, see?"

I smirked at him and stuck out my tongue. My eyes softened and I smiled sweetly at him, causing his face to flush a rather dark shade of pink. I giggled as he hastily turned away and went back to cooking whatever it was that he was making. I sat myself down at the table and rested my head. I let out a sigh as I watched him, I could only imagine what he was thinking.

* * *

It was dark, and the stars were shining brightly. I rested my head on the windowsill next to my bed as I stared out at the sky through the glossy glass. I could hear Kurt's soft and slow breathing, and his warmth caressing my body. Shifting my gaze away from the sky and onto him, I released a weak smile upon him.

I reached out my hand to stroke his hair, only to notice that my hand was trembling. Clutching my hand to my chest, I let out silent tears and crawled out of bed.

Stumbling through the dark quietly, I made myself downstairs and into the living room. I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me.

I stared back up the sky – the view was much clearer and I could see the full moon. The moon had an eerie, golden glow upon it and it sent goose bumps over my body. Despite how odd it was, I couldn't help but be mystified by its unholy beauty.

My body began to tremble and I sunk down onto my knees and rested myself against the house. I absentmindedly plucked the blades of grass beneath my fingertips and stared blindly up at the moon and stars. Silent tears guided their way down my cheeks and I let out a heavy sigh. _God damn him…_

I wasn't sure how long I've been outside, or how long Kurt was standing right next to me. Time seemed to stop and everything around me seemed to come to a still. Kurt rested himself beside me and I placed my head onto his shoulder.

"What are you thinking of?" Kurt asked in a soft, low voice.

I remained silent and simply continued to stare at the sky. "Life… Is there a purpose for some people to be at their utmost happiest with no problems whatsoever in their life? Is there a purpose for the people who suffer everyday? Is there a purpose for pain and joy?"

Kurt didn't look at me; his gaze remained on the bright sky. I looked up to view his profile and I saw the moon and star's reflection dance within his eyes.

"Everything happens for a reason, Suna… Some people will never know the pain that others go through. Some will never know the joy and happiness that people are blessed with," he paused and looked at me. "There was a reason why you met Ridge. There was a reason why you came to Flower Bud. There was a reason why I met you. Even though you've gone through so much… There will always be a reason. Suna… your purpose in life… is to be happy. You can never have true happiness without suffering. In the end, you will have your happy ending."

I shut my eyes tight, in hopes of that stopping the flow of my tears. I shifted myself to be in front of him and clutched onto the front of his shirt tightly. I buried my head in his chest and felt his arms wrap me tightly.

"Will you be my fairytale?"

"Suna… I'm your guardian angel."

_When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face I can't replace  
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out  
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one _

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven _

_It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.  
Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one _

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven _

_Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
Cuz I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away,  
Please tell me you'll stay, stay _

_Use me as you will  
Pull my strings just for a thrill  
And I know I'll be ok  
Though my skies are turning gray _

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

- - - - - End: Heaven's Embrace - - - - -

**Lyrics to "Your Guardian Angel" by the kickass band, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I swear to god… Every time I listen to this song when I'm upset/depressed/etc I'm freaking bawling my eyes out. And in case any of you are confused, the lyrics are to Suna from Kurt.**

**Sorry for the delay folks. I was out with my friends everyday since I got back. -sigh- Anyway, the trip was pretty fun. I met this awesome guy. But it sucks that he lives in Vermont. -sigh- But I'm supposed to see him this Sat up in NYC. x:**

**Review loveys!**

**- Tara**


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